A Great Gift
by Fingersnaps
Summary: Christmas is coming, but Tim's definitely not in the spirit of the season, he feels as if his life is falling apart, who...or what can help him when he reaches his lowest point?
1. Chapter 1

**Author****'****s****Note:** If you know and love the Frank Capra classic _It__'__s__a__Wonderful__Life_, then I apologise in advance because I am going to do terrible things to a fabulous story...

_Christmas Eve_

High, high above the earth, almost beyond the stars…almost, light pulsated as the heavens heard the cry of a soul in anguish.

"You sent for me Gabriel?"

"I did indeed; there is a human being in the depths of despair, he is about to surrender his life."

"How could he? Why don't humans understand that they are in possession of the greatest gift; life itself? If they only knew how precious life is…."

"Your own life was ended before the allotted three score and ten years."

"But it brought me here to you; I can't regret such an outcome."

"Well said; you have worked your way to your current status in a remarkably short time Caitlyn. One more step and you will gain your wings."

"So soon? I had been told the process could take many human lifetimes."

"That is true, but you have demonstrated remarkable aptitude for the role, a true calling."

"It is an incredible opportunity…to help others, being a guardian angel has been truly awe inspiring."

"You have guided many humans; and their prayers of thanks have assisted you in your ascent through the ranks of angels…however, this new assignment…"

"A human being ready to give up on life? Do you think I am capable of bringing him back from the brink?"

"We do; you are in a particularly advantageous position with regard to this human."

Another light shone brighter, and Caitlyn saw him, lying motionless on the cold ground, the snow falling heavily from a leaden sky. It took her a moment to recognise him; he had changed so much since that fateful day in Norfolk…

"Tim…is that Tim McGee?"

"It is."

"But…you can't make mistakes I know, but Tim…he's the last person I would have expected…"

"The troubles of the human heart are not always visible to human eyes, or even to those of a fledgling angel. You have been chosen for this mission because of your past knowledge of this human. Can you help him Caitlyn, as you have helped so many others?"

She looked at the pale figure of her former team mate, and remembered his eagerness to learn, his courage in the face of new and terrifying experiences, not least of which was working with Gibbs, his tolerance of DiNozzo's hazing, and her own teasing…most of all she remembered his quiet fortitude as he went alone to autopsy to wish her a final farewell…"I can, I have to; his is too good a life to lose so soon, but Gabriel, tell me please, how did he come to this?"


	2. Chapter 2

_December 16_

She pushed the salad around her plate for the third time and tried not to make eye contact with him.

"Max…is something wrong; did you want to change your order?"

"It…it's not the food Tim."

Now he was really worried, he'd wanted everything to be perfect for her birthday dinner. "Are you sick, should we go?"

Maxine set down her fork and finally looked Tim in the face. She'd already put this off too long. "Tim, something is wrong, it's not the food…you remember I said…when we first met, you're not my type…"

"But you changed your mind, you said…"

"I know, but I think my first instinct was right. Tim, you're a great guy, but…"

Tim could see her lips moving, she was still talking, but he couldn't hear…it was happening again, just when he thought he'd found the right one, she was ending it, he'd smothered her, that was it, too much too soon, he was always doing it. "Max, please listen. You don't have to come…Sarah's party, it was too much, asking you to meet my family, we have time…"

She silenced him with the gentle touch of her finger on his lips. "No Tim, this isn't a sudden decision, and it has nothing to do with meeting your family. I do love you Tim; you are the kindest, gentlest man I've ever dated…it's just…"

"Boring…"

"No! You mustn't think that, we're just not right for each other. If anyone's to blame for all this, it's me, I let it go on too long, and you know why…because I enjoyed being…cherished…it's addictive Tim, but, and please believe me when I say this. You are too good for me, I don't deserve you, but there has to be someone…"

"Don't! Please do not insult me by saying there's someone out there for me…I thought you were that someone; some investigator I am…couldn't even see what was happening right under my nose…Love really is blind I guess."

He could feel the tell-tale prickling of his eyes; he was determined not to cry in public. It was taking all of his will-power just to hold it together, but he had to try one more time. "Maxine, we don't have to decide tonight…if you want more time, some space to think, I can back off, we don't have to see each other so often, maybe absence will make the heart grow fonder."

The tears were brightening her eyes, but she shook her head. "I've been thinking of nothing else for…too long. If we stay together I will hurt you, much, much more that I am now. It's better that we make a clean break, I've been offered a new job in Seattle, I'm going to take it Tim, it's for the best."

Tim wanted to tell her she was making a huge mistake, beg her to stay, but he knew what Maxine looked like when her mind was made up, so he resorted to banality. "Rains all the time…"

She tried to smile but it didn't reach her eyes. "Not all the time." She reached out for his hand, he hesitated, but eventually he took her hand in his. "My dear Tim, I want you to remember this, I will never regret the times we've had together, and I hope, in time, you can forgive me for leaving you." She let go of his hand and reached into her purse. "Let me pay tonight, I've ruined your meal, it's only right."

"No…it…it's your birthday after all…you should have told me sooner Max, that way your birthday wouldn't have been…" He was finding it harder to keep the tears at bay. "I'll get the cheque; do you want me to take you home?'

She kissed his cheek and shook her head. "I'll get a cab. Tim…"

Now it was his turn to silence her, he kissed her lightly on the lips. "Nothing much left to say is there? I'm sorry I couldn't make you happy…it was what I wanted…more than anything, goodbye Maxine, I hope you find your type one day."

He turned away quickly and hurried to the desk to pay for the barely eaten food; when he looked around again she was gone. He wanted to run after her, play follow that cab, tell her she was making the biggest mistake of her life, only she wasn't, was she? She'd already decided staying with him would have been the big mistake.

So he let her go. He sat behind the wheel of his car in the restaurant parking lot waiting for the tears to stop flowing, for his vision to clear, and his hands to stop shaking. After twenty minutes he decided to take a walk, he knew he wasn't fit to drive, not right now. His footsteps sounded loud in his ears as he walked briskly along the quiet street, it was early, most people were still eating, drinking, having a good time. He wasn't sure how long he walked, but at least his eyes were finally dry. He heard music, loud rock music coming from a bar; sounded like the exact place he needed to be.

His second Scotch went down as fast as the first, Tim almost choked as the fiery liquid hit his throat…he felt like everyone in the bar was watching him, that they knew what a failure he was, a man who found it impossible to hold on to a woman no matter what he did, how he behaved, it was always, always wrong.

"You want another?" The barman had already pocketed two hefty tips from this drinker; he didn't want to let him go anytime soon. Tim considered the question, he felt warmer after the drink, but he wasn't sure he felt any better.

"No…no thanks." He slipped a ten dollar bill across the bar. "Could you call a cab? I think I should be getting home."

He let himself into his apartment and tried to decide what to do next, sleeping didn't seem like an option, he was too wired to sleep. Maybe another drink…He opened a bottle of wine, didn't even bother with a glass, just took a good long slug…and ran to the bathroom heaving. After depositing the contents of his half-eaten dinner down the toilet he washed his face and cleaned his teeth, trying to get the bitter taste of rejection out of his mouth. Tim looked at himself in the mirror, and gave a snort of derision.

"Look at you…loser. She was never going to stick with you…all your plans…"

He splashed more cold water on his face and headed back to the kitchen, picked up the bottle of wine; but instead of drinking it, he poured it down the sink. Drink wasn't the answer, maybe sleep would be, he felt suddenly as if all his energy had gone down the sink with the unwanted wine, he was tired in a way he had never been tired before. Sluggishly, he made his way into his bedroom and took off his clothes, a shower could wait for morning, he wanted the sweet oblivion of sleep to take away the pain.

He threw his pants over the back of the chair and heard a small thud as a padded box hit the floor. Tim fell to his knees and picked up the box, midnight blue velvet, her favourite colour, he didn't need to open it to picture the ring; he knew every detail by heart. He was going to ask her tonight, and he honestly thought she would say yes.

"Stupid, stupid idiot!" He threw the box against the wall and almost fell onto his bed. "Stupid…I went too fast…who am I kidding? If I'd waited a hundred years she was never going to want me…" Tim didn't even bother switching off the light; he curled up and sobbed until the pillow was wet with his tears.


	3. Chapter 3

_December 17_

Tim's eyes opened slowly, he shivered…for a few blissful moments he didn't remember why he was laying on top of his bed cover, wearing only his boxers. Then it hit him, the memory of last night's humiliation; how was it possible for him to have read the situation so badly? All the years he'd worked with Gibbs, you'd think he could figure out what people were really thinking.

She had walked out of his life without a second glance and left him to pick up the pieces...again. He should be better at dealing with rejection; it happened often enough that his skin should be thicker than it seemed to be. Tim pulled the cover over himself and tried to stop shivering, .he looked at the clock, 04:12, another ninety minutes and he'd have to get ready for work…Oh no! How was he going to face Tony? Then he remembered, it was Saturday, and they weren't on call this weekend. Thank goodness, he had two days to get his head together, to learn how to be a much better actor than he had ever been before.

Tim felt as if he spent the rest of the day in a trance, he showered, shaved, put on clean clothes, and drank coffee…endless cups of coffee. He didn't eat, couldn't, just the thought of food made him feel sick to his stomach, his phone was switched off, and he intended leaving it that way, if Gibbs wanted him, he'd have to come get him. He sat at his computer and tried to play a game, but he couldn't concentrate, every game was another reminder of Maxine…Eventually he called a cab, grabbed his car keys and went to pick up the Porsche from the restaurant; with the car safely back home, he decided to go for another walk, nowhere in particular, just away from his apartment and his memories…

It felt like his life was starting to unravel, Maxine had been his ray of hope during a tough spell at work. He had hoped, after Somalia, that he had proved his worth as a field operative beyond any doubt; he understood that the cyber world was often the place to find evidence, leads, traces of wrongdoing...But why did it always have to be him who stayed behind? Tim had tried to get Gibbs to see how he felt, but the Team Leader saw Tim working the computers, and Ziva and Tony in the field as the best use of his resources...mostly Tim understood the logic, but it didn't mean he had to like it.

Maxine understood, or at least he thought she did, talking through his feelings with her had helped him to control his emotions at work, because there were times, as he watched the others disappear into the elevator, leaving him with yet another online search to run...oh yes, there were times he wanted to scream out loud that he was better than this...

He'd been walking for a while when he started to notice he was getting strange looks from people he passed on the street, did they know? No stupid, how could they?

He looked up at the sky, dark blue…when did that happen, how long had he been walking? He noticed another thing, he was cold; and was it any wonder? He'd been in such a hurry to get out of his apartment he hadn't put on a coat, his lightweight jacket was no match for a December night in DC. Giving himself a mental slap on the head, Tim turned on his heels and headed home.

The apartment was warm, and for a few minutes he luxuriated in the heat suffusing his body. He made another pot of coffee, and it was then that he noticed the used cups scattered all around the apartment. His mother would go crazy if she saw this mess...his mother. She was expecting Maxine to be with him when he arrived for Sarah's party. Tim slumped on his bed, he'd have to call, tell them he was flying solo, as usual; tomorrow; he'd call tomorrow. No, that wasn't fair, his mom had enough to deal with figuring out sleeping arrangements for all the guests, it was only right he gave her as much notice as possible. Coffee first, he rinsed a cup and poured in some fresh coffee, ignoring the missed calls on his phone he selected the number and hit dial before he could change his mind.

"McGee residence."

Tim had hoped his dad would answer; there would have been a lot less questions. "Hi Sarah, how's everything going?"

"It's total mayhem Tim, Mom's racing round cleaning everything that doesn't move, Dad's taken refuge at the Officer's Club for a few hours. I keep telling them to calm down, but you know what they're like."

He certainly did, his mom and dad had a place for everything, and liked everything in its place. Organising a short-notice party would be throwing them for a loop of colossal proportions.

"Don't I just...Sarah..."

"Oh Tim, please don't say you can't come."

"What! Miss my little sister's engagement party? I'll be there Sarah, I promise, only..."

Sarah waited; she knew from long experience that you had to let Tim tell things in his own time, especially important things.

With a deep sigh, Tim told her the minimum he could get away with. "Maxine, she won't be coming to the party, we...things aren't good...Would you tell Mom?"

"Sure...but Tim, what happened? I thought everything was going great."

"Me too, Maxine had other ideas; she's gone and I can't see her coming back. Time to move on again; I've done it before, it's just...it get's harder. Look Sarah, I really don't want to talk about it right now...I'll see you Wednesday, it'll be good to be home."

They exchanged farewells and Sarah went to find her mom, she couldn't believe that Tim's heart had taken such a beating again. She had found such joy with David that she wanted everyone to be happy, especially her big brother. She had been looking forward to meeting the woman who had captured her brother's heart, but if Maxine couldn't see what a great guy her brother was, then Sarah was glad she wouldn't have to meet her after all.

Tim switched off his phone, one call was about all he could deal with today, he finished his coffee, cold and unappetising as it was and dragged himself to his feet. All he wanted to do was curl up under a blanket and try to forget everything, but the years of being told to tidy to his own mess had made it impossible for him to rest when his place looked so disgusting.

He spent the next hour tidying up, collecting dirty cups, washing and drying them, putting them away in the kitchen cabinet; his clothes from last night were next, jacket and pants in the closet, everything else in the laundry basket. Tim picked up the velvet box and stared long and hard, what should he do with the ring? He'd never even asked about a returns policy at the jewellery store, he had been so sure he was doing the right thing; that Maxine would at least think about his proposal. What should he do with the ring? It was too soon, he'd think about that some other time, right now he wanted it out of sight so he buried it at the bottom of his sock drawer.

He surveyed his handiwork, the place looked better, but he still felt like crap, worthless, stupid...alone. There was no point staying up any longer, he got ready for bed and after staring at the ceiling for an age he eventually fell into a fitful sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

_December 18_

Having checked the clock for the fifteenth, maybe even the sixteenth time; Tim decided he might as well get up and face another day. It was still dark, but he could see the streaks of light beginning to spread across the sky; didn't look as if it was going to rain or snow, the forecasters had been predicting a white Christmas this year, but so far the December days had been cold and bright.

Tim's head was fuzzy from two nights without proper sleep, and even a cup of strong coffee didn't make him feel more alert, a run...that would help, pound out some miles, empty his mind of Maxine, and the prospect of seeing the disappointment on his mom's face that a potential daughter-in-law had walked away.

Three hours later he was back again, sitting alone in his apartment. Running through the crisp morning air had been good...the streets were empty and the park looked so fresh with its covering of frost. On the way home, he'd passed a bakery, and for the first time since Friday, he actually felt hungry. The fresh baked Danish had tasted every bit as good as he thought it would when he went inside the store...but as soon as he'd finished eating, he started to feel empty again, not hungry empty, but empty deeper inside...

He woke with a start and checked the time, he'd only slept for fifty minutes, and he certainly didn't feel refreshed, all he had was a stiff neck, his chair was not designed for sleeping. Tim stared at the computer, no not yet, he couldn't, wait...maybe she'd changed her mind, called him, and his phone had been switched off. Quickly he got up and hurried into the bedroom, he'd left his cell on the night stand; it seemed to take an age for it to spark into life, and when it did Tim's brief moment of hope was dashed. Three missed calls, one from his mom, one from Sarah, and the other...Richard, he gave a brief smile. Richard York had been a friend since they'd worked together on a Freshman project at MIT. They didn't meet often, Richard lived in Scottsdale, and Tim was out in Arizona about as often as Richard was in DC; but they kept in touch online, and spoke on the phone at least once a month. Today of all days it would be good to talk to Richard.

"Hey Rich."

"Tim! I figured you were out with the lovely Maxine, didn't want to disturb the young lovers…" Richard listened to the long silence and knew he'd put his foot right in it. "Tim…what's wrong?"

"Same as always…she's gone, just about as far as she could without leaving the country."

Knowing that Rich would only tell one other person his story, Tim opened his heart, told his friend everything.

"Oh Tim, what can I say? She's a fool if she can't see she's giving up on a great guy."

"I think I must be the fool, expecting any woman to stick with me...Hey, I've dumped all my troubles on you and never asked how you're all doing."

"We're great Tim; Elliot took his first step two days ago, he's the best kid ever."

"That's amazing...I wish I could see you all this trip, but I could only get four days vacation time."

"There's time enough; and if the business does okay we're all coming out to DC in the spring."

"In that case I hope the business does great. How's Helen?"

"As beautiful as ever. She told me to give you her love."

"Give her a kiss from me Old-Timer."

Richard was pleased to hear Tim using his college nick-name. He was only two years older than Tim, but ever since the day he'd called Tim Kiddo, he was the Old-Timer.

"Always happy to kiss my wife as often as I can."

Tim laughed quietly. "Can't say I blame you, Helen's one of a kind."

Richard knew this wasn't the time to say it, but he was certain there was someone out there who deserved Tim, and could make him as happy as he was with Helen.

"Rich, I'm glad you called...it's been good to talk."

"Anytime, you should have called me yesterday."

"I could barely think then, let alone talk...so, did you have a reason to call, or did you just want to shoot the breeze?"

There was a slight hesitation. "I did have a reason, but it's not important."

"Is it about the business?"

Richard sighed, he really didn't want to burden Tim with his troubles, but Tim was insistent.

"Tell me Rich, is there a problem?"

"Honestly...Tim, I hate to ask, but you said if I ever needed a loan...and it's only short-term; maybe less than a month...you remember I have a meeting with a potential buyer on the 22nd?"

"Sure, if they like the prototype, you're all set."

"Exactly..."

"There's a but in there, I know it...come on Rich, what do you need?"

"There's one vital component for the finished article, I had to have it made by an outside company...we don't have the specialist machinery..."

There was another long silence as Richard tried to find a way to explain how the work had cost much more than he'd originally budgeted for, and that without this component his meeting with Hollander Enterprises would be over before it had even begun.

"I have some savings Rich, the money's yours for as long as need it."

"Tim...I...you...you don't know how much this means to me, I've been so wrapped up in getting the project ready I kind of lost track of the money...spent much more than I have...but Tim, are you...?"

"I'm sure Rich, it's not like I need the money right now."

"Tim, are you...?"

"I'm certain, now quit arguing and take the money!"

"Okay Tim, I won't try to put you off again, I'll email the company bank account details, and Tim...thank you, from all of us...if I lose this deal..."

"You won't lose it Rich, you have a great product, they'd have to be stupid not to buy it...I'll get the money to you later today. Now go, spend some time with your family."

Tim switched off his phone and went to the kitchen for more coffee, he was pleased his money could help someone he cared for, and after all, he wasn't likely to need his savings any time soon. If Maxine...if she was still around, maybe he'd have been in the market for a house, as things were now, the last thing he needed was a bigger place.

At least Rich's request had given him something to do; he logged on to the computer and made the necessary arrangements to transfer the funds from his savings account to RH Enterprises. He checked his emails, but apart from a few gamer buddies, no one had contacted him over the weekend, which was fine by him, in less than twelve hours he'd have to face them all at work. Maybe he should call in sick…

Tim warmed a can of soup and ate half, as he cleared away the dishes, he made his decision; he'd go into work, try to find the right moment to tell them…and then what…face their pity again, get used to the nudges and glances, not from his own team, they were better at hiding things; but word soon got round. He shrugged a little as he put his dish in the cupboard, however long he waited, it wasn't going to get any easier, best thing, get it over and done with, wouldn't be the first time everyone had been talking about him, and at least Maxine hadn't threatened to kill him.


	5. Chapter 5

_December 19_

Tony was bored...they hadn't had a new case in days, and even he was up to date with his paperwork. He crumpled up a piece of paper into a tiny ball, aimed it at Ziva; thought better of it and turned to send it in Tim's direction. McGee had been unusually quiet all morning, hadn't even joined them for lunch, something was off, and Very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo was going to find out….very soon. As he took aim he noticed something different.

"Hey, where did the skull go?"

Tim stopped typing and glanced at his team mate, a puzzled expression on his face. "Excuse me?"

Tony moved over to his desk, pointing at the notice board. "The picture of a skull, it was always here...who's the new pin-up?" He leaned across to get a better look. "The President no less, who's that with him?"

"A guy I knew in high school."

"Don't you ever watch the news Tony?" Gibbs had appeared unheard as usual. "That's Lieutenant Paul Maybury, US Marine Corps, Medal of Honor recipient. You know him Tim?"

"Yeah, don't see each other as often as we'd like, but yeah, I know him."

"Wow McGee, you were at school with a real life hero!"

"Yes...yes I was."

"Maybe you should have buddied up with him some more; let some of his guts rub off on you."

"Thanks Tony, good to know I can always count on you for a character reference."

Ziva shook her head. "Please do not tell me you two are going to have another major bitch; I thought you had moved on from that."

Tony was about to open his mouth when he spotted Director Vance beckoning to Gibbs from the top of the stairs. He sat back down at his desk and sighed. "Man, I hope Vance has a case for us, I'm going stir crazy."

"As are we Tony; McGee and I do not wish to be reviewing cold cases any more than you. Why does everything always have to be about you?"

"Well excuse me for expressing an opinion."

"Hey! Will you two knock it off?"

They turned to stare at Tim; it wasn't like him to raise his voice, not even when Tony was deliberately trying to goad him into a response. Tony was about to give Tim a smart comeback when Ziva stilled him with a glance; she should have noticed earlier. McGee looked tired, in fact, he looked beyond tired.

"McGee, are you unwell?"

"What? Because I've had a bellyful of you two bickering every single day I have to be sick…I'm…"

"You're what Tim? Ziva's right, you don't look so hot."

"Again with the compliments Tony, look, both of you; I'm not sick…didn't get much sleep this weekend."

Tony gave one of his extra special wolfish grins and rubbed his hands together in happy anticipation. "Do tell McTetchy…wild nights of passion with the gorgeous Maxine? Did you take pictures this time? I need details."

Tim leapt up from his seat, he didn't want to tell them, not like this…he felt sick to his stomach just thinking about making his humiliation public. He ran past them both and managed to get to the washroom before his breakfast made a return appearance; Tim was half afraid that Tony would follow him inside and try to talk to him, but he was able to wash his face in solitude…couldn't last though, he'd have to go out there and say the words.

Taking a deep breath Tim stepped back into the squad room; might as well get it over with.

"McGee, up here, the Director wants to see us together."

Gibbs was leaning over the stair rail waiting for him. Looked like he wasn't going to tell them right now; Tim headed up the stairs and turned toward MTAC.

"No Tim, we're meeting in his office."

Twenty minutes later Tim was bounding down the stairs two at a time, his face a mask of suppressed rage.

"Problem Tim?"

"You have no idea Tony."

"What did Vance want?"

"To haul my ass over the coals…same old, same old…I need coffee."

Tony reached out and grabbed Tim's arm. "Tell us Tim, this isn't just work."

"Let go of me! Tony, don't pretend you care."

"Hey, I'm not pretending."

"Just leave it; I'm not ready to talk about another of my epic failures. Yes Tony, another woman walks out on McGee; Maxine told me she doesn't want to be with me any longer…she's moving to Seattle; enough detail for you? Hurry back to your desk DiNozzo, you must be itching to get that email out; tell everyone the news."

He turned on his heels and headed for the stairs. Tony let out a low whistle. "I knew there had to be something."

"Do not tease him Tony, not about this."

"What do you think I am; some kind of idiot?"

"I'll plead the fifth on that DiNozzo, grab your gear, we've got a dead sailor at the Navy College." Gibbs put his phone back in his pocket and reached into his desk drawer for his weapon.

Tony picked up his back pack, and slowly moved toward the elevator. "Er…Boss, McGee, he went for coffee."

"Then he'd better hurry."

Tim had made it to the truck just as they were pulling out of the parking lot, he'd abandoned his coffee in the squad room, grabbed his back pack and run.

"Good of you to join us McGee."

Tim didn't answer, what was the point? Gibbs had already made it clear where he stood on the team. This day was going to hell faster that even he had thought possible. He ignored the inquisitive stares he was getting from Tony and Ziva, let Gibbs tell them…let him tell them how he'd just stood there and let Vance rip into one of his team without a single word of support. Let Gibbs explain that after the countless times he'd hacked into everything from the CIA to the corner grocery store Tim was now on his final warning.

"If I find that you have done anything like this again without the proper authorisation, and by that I mean a warrant, or written orders from me personally, you are out of this agency. Do I make myself clear Agent McGee?"

Director Vance's words echoed in Tim's mind, he had waited for Gibbs to offer some support, to explain to Vance that there wasn't always time to get a warrant; the cases they dealt with were often a matter of life or death, where every wasted minute could result in catastrophe. There had been no response, just that stony faced silent look they all knew only too well, Tim had been dismissed from the Director's office and Gibbs had let him walk without a word.

Somehow Tim got through the rest of the day, talking only when spoken to, doing his job on autopilot, counting the hours until he could get away from Tony's concerned looks. He didn't know what was worse, Tony being sympathetic or Tony being sarcastic…today, he'd take sarcastic, Tim didn't think he could deal with anything else, his hold on his emotions was so tenuous, it felt like any minute he was going to lose control.

He let out a huge sigh of relief when Gibbs announced at 18.40 that they were done for the day, there was a lot more work to do to find out who killed Lieutenant Craig Granville, but they'd done all they could without the forensic results and the warrant for his financial records.

"Back here 07.00 tomorrow, and McGee, get some sleep, you look like hell."

Tim muttered under his breath. "Feel worse."

"You say something McGee?"

"Nothing important Boss; see you tomorrow," He ignored the elevator and headed for the stairs, less chance of meeting someone who wanted to start a conversation.

It was with an overwhelming sense of relief that Tim closed his apartment door behind him. He'd told them, and got through the rest of the day, surely after this it would get easier.

Tim had been half expecting Tony to come knocking, but he'd been able to spend what was left of the evening catching up on unanswered emails, calling home.

"Tim, are you eating?"

"Mom, you always ask me that, I'm eating plenty, have to when there's work to be done."

There was silence at the other end of the line, Tim gave in to the inevitable; he never could lie to his mother. "Okay, I haven't had much of an appetite, but I'll be sure to eat supper."

"You promise me."

"Scout's honour Mom. How are you doing? Sarah tells me things are pretty crazy."

Theresa McGee got the message; talking about Maxine was out of bounds; that was okay, she'd find out what happened when she saw Tim, so she talked instead about the mishaps and crises that always seemed to attach themselves to any large family gathering. Tim had let the words wash over him, content to listen to his mom's voice, and as he'd promised as soon as she ended the call he'd made a sandwich, eaten the whole thing, and attempted to do as Gibbs ordered and sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

_December 20_

Tim looked at his reflection in the bathroom mirror, was there an improvement, or did he still look like hell? He thought he did look a little better; getting four hours sleep was a definite improvement on the previous three nights, with luck, he'd get through this day without incident.

If he could just hold it together until tomorrow lunchtime he would be free and clear, except...he'd still have to face his family. Couldn't be any worse than facing Tony and he'd managed that...no he hadn't, Tim was honest enough to admit he had just about got through the day simply because he'd avoided any personal contact with any member of the team. Work he would talk about, everything else was strictly off limits; odds were against him having such an easy ride today, but if he kept his head down, kept busy, and most of all kept away from Abby he should get through.

Tony's sympathetic glances were hard enough to take, a full blown, 'Aww, poor Timmy' hug from Abby...no, he definitely was not ready for that, maybe after Christmas, when he returned from a few days in the San Diego sunshine, everything would be bearable.

Tony was early, but he still hadn't beaten Tim into work.

"You pull an all-nighter?"

"No, I was awake before the alarm, figured I might as well get started. Gibbs is with the Director, seems our Lieutenant had friends in high places."

"Vance getting some heat?"

"Looks that way...Tony, about yesterday, I was out of line, it's just, I didn't...don't want to talk about Maxine."

"Whatever you say Tim, but if you do..."

"When you two have done socialising, how about you get to work?"

It didn't take the observation skills of two trained investigators to see that Gibbs was in a seriously bad mood.

"Nothing out of place in Granville's financials so far Boss."

"Don't give me 'so far' McGee; I want answers, not maybes."

Tony winced at the sharp edge to Gibbs' response. "Boss, Tim was here early, I just got in, haven't done a thing."

"Then it's time you did something DiNozzo; Ziva's getting the car, you two talk again with Granville's friends, they should have sobered up by now. I'm going to Autopsy."

Tony knew better than argue with Gibbs when he was in grizzly bear mode; he'd seen Tim's shoulders slump when Gibbs dismissed out of hand the work he'd done already, and Tony wished he could stay to talk, but at times like this you did exactly what Gibbs wanted.

The hours passed in an endless round of interviews, collating evidence, searches through bank records, phone records…Vance wanted hourly sit reps, and Gibbs' mood didn't improve one iota as the day went on; there was little he hated more than having someone looking over his shoulder when he was working a case. Even if Tony had wanted to force the issue of having a heart to heart with Tim, he'd have been hard pressed to fit it in to their day.

They were all certain that Granville's friends knew more than they were telling, but the three of them had demanded their lawyers be present during questioning, and thereafter the only response Gibbs received was 'My client has nothing to say,'

Having to let them go, and dealing with three high-priced attorneys hadn't softened Gibbs' mood, and by late afternoon the whole team was on edge. It was almost 16.00 when Tim finally got something.

"Boss, there's a bar on 7th Street NW, near the Verizon Center, turns out it's co-owned by Granville and the others, there have been a lot of calls the last couple of days between Granville and the others. His emails show he was trying to get a meeting with them, no mention why."

"Have Abby trace their cells, I want them back in here."

Gibbs and Tim were waiting at the rear door to Bud's Tavern, Ziva and Tony covered the front entrance. All three men were inside, and the team was ready to go.

"Easy does it Tony, quiet as you can." The last thing Gibbs wanted was a major disturbance in a busy bar.

"On it Boss." Tony's response was soft in their earpieces.

"We go in three, two, one."

Quietly, but swiftly Gibbs led the way, Tim followed, gun in hand. As they passed through the kitchen; Tim was so intent on signalling the staff to stay silent, that he caught his foot on a plastic crate and stumbled through the door into the main bar area. Any hope of taking Macari, Howard and Bains by surprise disappeared with Tim's sprawling entrance.

Within seconds the three men were on the attack, using anything they had to hand they ran toward Gibbs and Tim. From the corner of his eye Tim could see Ziva and Tony rushing toward their targets; the bar was busy with Happy Hour drinkers making it impossible for the agents to discharge their weapons.

Tim barely had time to recover from the shame of ruining their covert entry before Macari hurtled into him; still off-balance from his stumble he was sent crashing into the wall. Breathless and light-headed, Tim had no time to recover as Macari smashed a bottle on the nearest table and came at him. He gasped as the jagged glass cut into his hand, but it acted as a wake-up call. Now it was his turn to attack, he kicked the bottle out of Macari's hand, threw a punch that connected with his jaw, and gave a slightly breathless smile as Macari crumbled to the ground. Quickly Tim took out his cuffs, pulled Macari's hands behind his back and snapped the cuffs shut.

Tim stood up and became aware of a subdued hum all around the room. Bains and Howard were handcuffed and standing sheepishly as Ziva and Tony had them under armed guard. Macari stirred slightly and Gibbs pulled him to his feet and surveyed the wreckage around them.

"You not clear on the concept of quiet McGee? This mess is exactly what I wanted to avoid. It's down to you, so you can fill out the paperwork, you clear on that?"

"Clear Boss." Tim didn't notice the sympathetic glances from Tony and Ziva; all he saw was Gibbs; the look on his Boss's face seemed to say. 'See, this is why you get the geek work.'

"Gibbs, perhaps McGee should go to see Ducky before he begins the paperwork."

Tim had forgotten all about his hand until Ziva mentioned Ducky, it wasn't hurting, but as he glanced down he could see it was certainly bleeding.

"You need help with that, McGee?"

Tim figured the last thing he needed right now was to irritate Gibbs any more than he had done already. "No Boss, I can do the work."

As they prepared to take the prisoners to NCIS, Tim made a silent promise; tonight he was going to get eight hours sleep.

Tim did go to see Ducky, but only because his hand wouldn't stop bleeding, and even the biggest Band-Aid in the first aid box wasn't helping.

"That dressing should hold Timothy, but I think you may need stitches."

"No time Ducky, I have to sit in on an interview, then get the insurance report done." He looked down at the bandage around his right hand, with their current workload there was no way Tim was asking for time off to get more medical attention. "Thanks for this Ducky, looks to be working."

"Very well, but if it starts bleeding again, you promise me you'll get stitches."

As he watched another hour tick by on the clock in the ER waiting area Tim wished he'd gone right home after work, but he'd promised Ducky, and his attempts to drive with a blood soaked bandage had convinced Tim he had to have his hand stitched. They hadn't left NCIS until 22.15, Bains had been the first to crack and admit that they'd been using the bar to peddle drugs. Granville hadn't been in on their scheme and when he returned from his overseas deployment he had spotted anomalies in the accounts, done some digging of his own and discovered the drugs operation. His threats to take what he knew to the authorities had proved to be his death warrant; Bains wasn't shy in laying the blame at Macari's door, Gibbs was sceptical, but just as long as one of them was guilty, they all were, and he'd be able to file conspiracy charges. Tim was pleased that the three men would be going to prison for a long time, and the team had been congratulated by Director Vance on the speedy resolution of the case, but he wasn't sure he'd redeemed himself in Gibbs' eyes.

"Timothy McGee!"

At last his name was called; stifling a yawn Tim followed the nurse into a cubicle, once the stitches were done he'd be able to go home and get some rest.


	7. Chapter 7

_December 21_

It was the dull ache that woke him…and with a groan Tim opened his eyes to look at the clock. 04.24. He'd been in bed a little over three hours, how come he was awake already? Two answers forced their way into his weary mind, one…the local anaesthesia had worn off, and two…he was hungry.

He had been so tired when he finally got home that he'd ignored the kitchen, and headed directly to the bedroom. It took all of his energy to undress and get into bed, and for the first time in days he'd fallen asleep the minute his head hit the pillow, but it couldn't last, not the way his week was going.

He got out of bed and made his way to the kitchen, he was awake now, might as well eat something. He opened the refrigerator and took a tentative sniff at the milk…seemed okay, so he emptied some cereal into a bowl, poured over the milk and took the snack to his bedroom. A few minutes later the bowl was empty, and he was wide awake, absolutely not what he wanted…

He knew he really should try to get some more sleep, but with the throbbing from his hand and the stabbing pain that seemed to have settled in just behind his eyes, it wasn't going to happen. He toyed with the idea of calling in sick, but he was only due to work until 13.00, if he could make it that far then he'd be free and clear. He was due to fly out to San Diego at 15.00; all he had to do was finish his reports from yesterday, hope against hope that they didn't catch a major case during the morning, and he would be gone.

He had always intended getting up a little earlier today, finish his packing so that he wouldn't have to rush this afternoon...he picked up the small suitcase he'd started to pack and lifted it carefully onto the bed. He was awake now, might as well make good use of the time. Tim had already decided which clothes he was taking so it was a simple task to get them in the case...except that folding shirts was a little cumbersome with the dressing on his hand, but he soon got the hang of it, and before long all he had left were the Christmas gifts for his family...and Maxine. With everything that had been going on in his head since Friday Tim had completely forgotten the small package he'd wrapped so carefully last weekend.

Tim slumped down on the bed as the pain of Maxine's rejection washed over him again. Was it really only ten days since they'd spent the day together shopping for Christmas gifts? It had been a day of laughter, and he thought, of love. Maxine had helped him choose a hand-knitted sweater for Sarah and a necklace for his mom; it was while they were in the jewellery store that Maxine had spotted a silver and turquoise bangle, Tim could see from her expression that she loved it. The next day he'd gone back to the store and got it for her...another piece of jewellery to be returned.

He tried not to cry, to tough it out, but he couldn't...seeing the family gifts all wrapped and ready to go drove home his solitude. He'd have to face all the well-meaning questions, and try his hardest to smile...he'd do it too, for Sarah. Tim tore open the wrapping on Maxine's package, threw the paper in the trash and put the bangle in the drawer beside the ring box...he'd deal with them in the New Year, when the hurt wasn't so raw.

By the time he'd finished packing and showered ready for work Tim was starting to feel almost human again, he knew the lack of sleep would catch up with him eventually, but just so long as he could make it through to lunch-time, he'd be okay, heck he could even get a few hours shut-eye on the plane.

Tim kept his head down and had his report finished by 11.00, once or twice he'd noticed Tony make a move to come over to his desk, then change his mind. Tim sighed, must be tough figuring out what to say to someone who struck out so badly, so often.

"You done, McGee?"

"Yes Boss, just need you to sign off the interview report."

Gibbs put a cup of coffee on Tim's desk. "You get any sleep last night?"

"Some…I got up early, but I'm okay."

"We'll see; drink that, then we'll talk."

Tim picked up the cup and was surprised to see his hand shaking; maybe he was more tired than he thought. The strong coffee hit the spot and Tim started to feel more alert and alive, but also more apprehensive, Gibbs wanted to talk…couldn't be good. He was startled out of his reverie by Gibbs' phone ringing. Not a case please, not now…Tim saw Gibbs' expression change as he listened to the call, he glanced at the clock, he'd almost made it, ninety minutes from now he'd have been on his way home.

"Gear up, six year old girl snatched in Potomac Yard Center, her father's a Navy SEAL."

Gibbs was already heading for the elevator, swiftly followed by Tony and Ziva; Tim trailed a little further behind, fumbling as he reached for his weapon. He made it just as the elevator doors were closing.

"You could still make your flight Tim, if we find her fast, you'll be good to go."

"Not going to happen Tony, the week I'm having…"

The scene at the mall was one of organised chaos, and Tim's heart sank as he saw the number of witnesses gathered together by the Metro officers. He was not getting out of here in time to catch his flight, a later one maybe, but not the 15.00.

"Boss, before we get started, can I call my family? Don't want Dad setting put for the airport."

Gibbs nodded briefly. "Make it quick, looks like we've got plenty to do."

Back at NCIS four hours later Tim reflected that 'plenty' didn't even come close. For once every witness had given them the exact same information, Esther Schneider had been taken by Santa, or at least someone dressed as Santa. What they couldn't agree on was his height, weight, whether he was young or old, the colour of his eyes, anything that could narrow down their search.

Ziva and Gibbs had tried to interview Mrs Schneider, but she was almost hysterical, and had been taken home to be cared for by her family, and to be looked at by a doctor. They had interviewed family members, looking for anyone with a grudge, they drew a blank with that, but another motive started to stare them in the face, Sally-Anne Schneider came from serious money.

Tony and Tim were watching the security camera footage, so far none of the images gave them a clear shot of the man's face, and every hour that passed by Gibbs became more and more tense. They all knew how Gibbs was when a child was involved in a case; and a little girl torn away from her family, that was just guaranteed to have him barking orders like he had in his Marine days.

"McGee, I want you at the Schneider home, we've already got a trace on their land line, you check any other phones, computers, whatever electronic doodads you can find. If this is a kidnap for ransom I want us to hear the demands the minute Mrs Schneider hears them."

Deep inside Tim had known that this moment was coming, but until now he'd nurtured the faintest hope that he would somehow get to San Diego in time for Sarah's party. He could see now it wasn't meant to be, unless by some miracle they found Esther and her kidnapper by tomorrow afternoon Sarah's party would be minus one guest.

"I'll get right on it Boss."

Tim was heading out to Alexandria, surveillance equipment safely stowed in the trunk. He couldn't put this off any longer, switching his cell to speaker mode, he hit speed dial, and prayed his mom answered the phone.

"McGee residence."

Tim sighed; of course it had to be his dad. "Hey Dad, you okay?"

"We're all doing fine, you seem to be the one having problems."

"Yeah, about that…Dad…"

"No Tim, not this time, you promised Sarah."

"I know, and if I can I'll be there, but we have a case…"

"Damn it Tim! There's always a case, are you the only team they have in DC?"

"No, but we're the best."

"Says you, Tim do you know how hard your mom and Sarah have worked to get this thing done? We haven't had the whole family together at Christmas for years."

"I know, and believe me I would have done anything to be on the plane this afternoon."

"Would you? I don't think so, I told your mother when I heard about Maxine; I said you wouldn't come; you don't have the guts to face everyone. I knew you'd find some lame excuse."

The sheer injustice of that remark took Tim's breath away, but his dad wasn't done.

"Just have the guts to admit it Tim, you're jealous. Sarah has David, you have no one, that's what this is all about isn't it?"

Tim finally managed to get a word in. "No! Dad, I…I can't believe you'd think that, there's nothing I want more than Sarah's happiness."

"You want Sarah to be happy, then get the next flight out here."

"I can't, don't you understand? It's a kidnap case…a little girl…if it was Sarah…"

"But it's not; Sarah's here, waiting for her big brother to come to her engagement party. We've got family coming from all over, David too…I can't believe you're letting the job come before your family."

"Dad…can't you see? Another family is suffering, if I can do anything to help…this is where I have to be…"

"Looks like you made your choice, don't worry about catching a flight tomorrow, we obviously come a poor second to your DC friends…stay with them, as far as I'm concerned you're a disgrace to the McGee name!"

Tim heard the click as the call was ended, he was about to press redial, to try and explain, but he knew there was no point, he'd seen his dad in these moods before…there was no arguing with him, all you could do was wait for him to come round, however long that took.

He pulled in at the Schneider's home and took a moment to compose himself…It was time he got used to all this. Wasn't as if it was the first time he'd missed something special, he couldn't make Paul's medal ceremony either…they had a case, didn't they always? Sometimes it seemed like the job took everything and didn't give anything back. Tim took some deep breaths of the cold night air, hoping to get rid of the nagging headache that was starting to make itself known; a little girl was missing, she was all that mattered right now.


	8. Chapter 8

_December 22_

Tim put the box containing a number of evidence bags on the counter top, he knew he wouldn't be able to get away without seeing Abby, but he hoped to keep the meeting as brief and businesslike as possible.

"Aww Timmy." Abby enveloped him in one of her trademark hugs, so much for brief and businesslike. "I told Gibbs, it's not your fault."

Tim carefully extricated himself from her embrace. "You've already talked to Gibbs?"

"He had to tell me about the evidence, you shouldn't worry, he knows you did all you could."

"Then how come they got away? We were so close Abby, she was there…look." He pulled out the bag containing the small white puppy toy Esther had been carrying at the mall. "Her mom says she's never parted from Snowy, can't sleep without him, Abby, she must be so scared…"

It had surprised Abby to see tears in Tim's eyes, she'd heard about Maxine, but she hadn't realised just how badly Tim had been affected by her rejection. She reached forward to hug him again, but he quickly pulled away, if she held him he knew he wouldn't be able to stop the tears flowing. As he backed away from Abby he struck his right hand against the counter, he hissed quietly as a sharp pain jarred through his already injured hand.

"Tim…"

"Don't…please, I don't deserve…I took too long." Almost without thought Tim started to unpack the box and have Abby sign the custody documents; he'd screwed up again and it had cost them the chance to reunite a little girl with her family.

The day had started out okay; after setting up the electronic surveillance equipment at the Schneider home Tim had been ordered to get some sleep, in fact Gibbs has insisted his whole team take some time out; a relief team took a watching brief for a few hours.

After his conversation with his dad Tim was so wired he wasn't sure he could sleep, and his headache wasn't going away, but he took a couple of Tylenol and after a few restless minutes trying to get comfortable on the makeshift bed in the conference room he fell asleep, and didn't wake until he felt someone shaking him.

"Hey McSleepyhead, Boss is on the warpath, he wants us back out there."

A quick shower and shave and Tim was ready to go, feeling more awake than he had done in days; he'd only had five hours sleep, but it was five hours at a stretch, and that was better than he'd managed since Maxine blew him off.

They had finally found a useful shot of their 'Santa' and Abby had run facial recognition software. Lewis Rayner, small time con man, been in and out of jail since he turned eighteen. Gibbs had taken Ziva and Tony to interview known associates of Rayner, and Tim was where he seemed destined to be, sitting in front of a computer screen.

At least he had a new name to search for, once the warrant came through, this week was going badly enough, he didn't need to antagonise the Director too.

With several search programmes running, it wasn't long before Tim discovered that Rayner had an E-ZPass, using the data from the pass, and traffic camera footage Tim was able to find a very definite pattern to Rayner's travels. In the last week he'd driven to the Potomac Yard Center four times, and on each of those occasions he'd also driven along the Dulles Greenway to Leesburg VA. Tim had felt his heart rate quicken, and the niggling headache that had returned as he started staring at the screen was forgotten. Could these have been dummy runs, getting the timing right for the snatch? If he could only narrow down Rayner's final destination in Leesburg, maybe that was where they were keeping Esther.

It had taken time…too much precious time, but Tim found a house in Leesburg that had belonged to Rayner's maternal grandparents, it was up for sale and unoccupied; Gibbs agreed it was a good place to hide someone. But when Gibbs and the team eventually arrived at the empty house on N King Street, there was no one there…no one alive; Lewis Rayner's body was lying on the kitchen floor, a single bullet hole in the middle of his forehead.

"Damn it McGee, we're too late! The DoD is trying to get her dad back home, I wanted to tell the Commander we had his daughter back safe. Now all I have to do is tell Leon we failed; Ziva, call Ducky, Tony, McGee, bag and tag, move!"

They'd worked in silence, each of them feeling the loss and disappointment as keenly as Gibbs, Tim worked with the precision of a robot, shutting off every outside distraction, he couldn't afford to miss anything, not again.

It seemed like all that had happened so far today had happened in slow motion, that if he could just press the fast forward button he could change everything and they'd get to Esther in time, if only he could, Tim knew what he had to do, he had to work harder, that was the answer. "I have to get back Abs, if you get anything…"

"I'll call…Timmy you look beat, why don't you lie down on the futon? I'll wake you in an hour."

Tim shook his head vehemently, shivering as the sudden movement reignited the pain receptors, this headache just was not going away. "No way Abs, I can't rest, you don't understand…it's my fault, if I worked faster we'd have found her, don't forget, call me Abs."

He hurried out of the lab, determined to head right up to the squad room, he had to get back to his computer, there must be something he missed, had to be. Tim pressed the call button and as he waited for the elevator he noticed his hand was throbbing too, he looked down and sighed, there was blood on the dressing, he must have reopened the cut when he hit his hand. Damn…he couldn't afford to take time for another hospital visit, Ducky, he would go see Ducky.

Jimmy was cleaning the autopsy table and Ducky was composing his preliminary autopsy report on Rayner when the doors swished open.

"You are just in time Jethro…oh Timothy, you look weary lad."

"I'm okay Ducky, only…" Tim held up his hand.

"Ah yes, you may have popped a stitch, let's take a quick look shall we?"

"Are you sure you have time Ducky? I don't want to stop you working; we have to find Esther, that's the most important…"

"Timothy, stop! Of course finding the little girl is our priority, but you can't help with that if you are feeling unwell, you don't look well; tea, that's what you need."

"Honestly Ducky I don't have time."

"You want me to look at your hand, don't you? Then whilst I am doing that Jimmy can make us all some tea, he is most adept are you not Jimmy?"

Jimmy gave a resigned smile. "I've had lots of practice Doctor Mallard."

Tim sat on the chair at Ducky's desk and winced a little as the Medical Examiner unwound the bandage.

"Sorry Timothy, I can be a little clumsy…not used to dealing with the living. Let's see, stitches are intact, did you hit your hand?"

"Yeah, stupid thing, I banged it on the counter in the lab, guess I'm pretty clumsy too."

"Not to worry, I'll put a clean dressing on this, you have a hot sweet cup of tea, and I guarantee you'll be feeling much better."

"Thanks Ducky, I do appreciate this, couldn't afford more time away from my desk…too much to do."

Swiftly and gently Ducky redressed Tim's hand, and he was done just in time.

"Tea's up Doctor."

"Thank you Jimmy, did you put sugar in Timothy's cup?"

"Yes Doctor, figured he could us some."

"Quite right, good lad."

Tim wasn't so sure he could stomach sweet tea, but he didn't want to offend Ducky or Jimmy, so he allowed himself to relax for a moment. It was a single moment too, no sooner had he picked up the cup than his phone rang.

"McGee…On my way Boss."

"I have to go, the kidnappers just made contact." Tim placed the cup back on the desk and ran toward the elevator. "Thanks Ducky, I'll take a rain check on the tea."

The squad room was already a hive of activity when he got there.

"About time McGee, how long does it take to hand over evidence?"

"I…I went…doesn't matter. Where do you want me Boss?"

"Right here with the rest of us; working, it's what they pay you for."

Ziva looked up and gave Tim a quick smile. "Contact was by cell-phone McGee, the call was not long enough for a trace. Abby will be getting the recording shortly."

"Maybe I could narrow down the area the call was made from, I'll get on it."

Tim opened his search programme and smiled gratefully at Tony as a cup of coffee appeared on his desk. "Thanks Tony."

"No problema…figured we could all use a caffeine boost."

"You got that right." Tim took a quick sip and exhaled deeply, a few more sips and he'd be ready to face his screen again. As he took another, longer drink he noticed the plasma, ZNN's 24 hour news was running, nothing out of the ordinary there, but he saw a name on the ticker tape that had him choking on his coffee.

"Hey, you okay Tim?"

"Yeah," It was a lie, how could he be okay, his money, what was happening with his money? He had to call Rich…no, no time…tomorrow; it would have to wait until tomorrow…


	9. Chapter 9

_December 23_

They had worked through the night, catching a few minutes shut-eye when they could; yet they weren't any closer to reuniting the Schneider family. Tim had tried to sleep if only so that he would be fully able to do his job; but he kept seeing the ticker tape message endlessly scrolling along the bottom of the TV screen.

'Hollander Corporation folds after major collapse of its Far East subsidiaries, massive job losses expected, more on our AM Business show.'

Tim didn't need to hear more, Hollander Corporation was the buyer for Rich's product, if they'd gone to the wall the sale was dead in the water, and as for his money….who knew?

Tim had managed to isolate the cell towers that had handled to initial contact call to the Schneider home, but it was too large an area to search, there were hundreds of properties, thousands of people...an almost impossible task.

The vocal analysis had given them almost nothing, it was a man who made the call, Mid-Western accent, no background noise to pin down a location; another eight hours work and they had next to nothing.

Tim's headache had settled in for the duration, he was doing his best to ignore it just like he had in college. He'd suffered tension headaches then, especially at exam time, hadn't had them much since, but he could work through it; every time he thought of the toy puppy in Abby's lab Tim steeled himself to work harder, they had to get Esther back home.

"You have reached the voice mail of Richard York, please leave a message after the tone."

Tim closed the call without leaving a message, he'd tried to Rich's cell, home and business numbers several times, any time he had a few seconds he hit speed dial, but so far he hadn't been able to get a reply.

Since he'd seen the news last night he'd been resigned to never seeing his money again. These days it seemed like a fairly typical news story and normally it would barely have registered on Tim's consciousness, but this time it was hitting close to home, and he wouldn't be the only loser…so many people out of work, and Rich…maybe Rich would lose his business too, what would that mean for Helen and Elliot? He leaned on his desk and closed his eyes for a few minutes, trying to still the incessant drumming in his head.

His life was unravelling and there was nothing he could do to stop it, love, family, money…all gone in a matter of days, all he had left now was his job.

"Tim, you okay?"

"Why shouldn't I be, everything's just peachy."

"So how come you're sleeping on your keyboard?"

Tim lifted his head slowly, he'd learned the hard way not to move quickly when he felt this way, the last thing he needed was to throw up on Tony's expensive shoes. "Not sleeping Tony…trying to think...I can't seem to stop thinking, this case…"

"It's a tough one alright, Commander Schneider's on his way home; should be back early tomorrow."

"We have to find her Tony."

"We will; Gibbs won't give up and neither will we."

Tim couldn't help watching the hours tick by, there'd been no further contact from the kidnappers and he knew they were all starting to worry that something had gone badly wrong, that the people who had taken Esther no longer had a living bargaining chip, he couldn't think like that, this family deserved to be together.

His own family would be sitting down to Sarah's celebration dinner any time now, he'd felt another pang of guilt when his last window of opportunity to catch a flight to San Diego had come and gone, and he was still sitting at his desk growing more frustrated by the minute that they couldn't catch a break in the case...he kept asking himself, was it his fault? Was it because he was having such a terrible week that things weren't going better at work? Just lately everything he touched seemed to turn to cold ashes in his hand, everything he said was wrong in every possible way, there had to be some way he could put things right...there was one way, maybe the only one; he had to find Esther.

Tim was going through the Schneider's financial records yet again, hoping to find some anomaly, some hint as to the identity of Esther's kidnappers, he wasn't hopeful, but he couldn't think of anything else to do.

"McGee! They just made contact again; they want $5 million by noon tomorrow,"

"Did they use a burn phone again?"

Gibbs shook his head. "No, they posted a message on the internet, something called IGraspU, you heard of it?"

Tim almost smiled, Gibbs' ignorance of the virtual world never ceased to surprise him. "Me and about ten million other people Boss, it's the latest social networking site to explode all over the web."

"Then you can trace the message?"

Gibbs looked so optimistic; Tim hesitated before breaking the bad news. "Boss...this site, one of the reasons they've grown so fast is that they've pledged that subscriber's privacy will be protected to the utmost limit of the law...getting a warrant will be tough, and if we do I'm pretty certain IGraspU would appeal...could take days."

"Esther Schneider doesn't have days, you know the chances of them handing her over alive are slim at best. Guess I have to tell Mrs Schneider we need to work on a plan to intercept them when they collect the ransom...that's not a conversation I'm looking forward to."

Gibbs turned on his heels and left Tim alone; Ziva and Tony were already at the family home, waiting with Mrs Schneider, offering her the support she desperately needed until her husband got home.

Tim got up slowly and headed for the break room, he hesitated as he made his drink selection, did he really need more coffee? He hit the button for hot chocolate and was about to make his way back to the squad room with his drink when his legs seemed to decide for themselves to take him in another direction.

Ten minutes later he was back at his desk; a new sense of purpose driving him on; he flexed his fingers, careful not to do any further damage to his hand, leaned forward and took a deep breath, this was the right thing to do wasn't it? Then he whispered to himself. "Just do it."

His fingers hovered over the keys, Tim knew Vance would likely have his badge for this, but a little girl could be hours away from death. He knew he could do something...he would get into IGraspU's records, he knew how, and when he did he would find out who sent the ransom demand. It was going against a direct order from the head of the agency, and Tim knew he was showing a flagrant disregard for the rules, but they were rules that likely wouldn't matter to him soon. He opened up the program, and hit the keys that he was pretty sure would mark the end of his NCIS career.


	10. Chapter 10

_December 24_

The early morning air was almost crackling with suppressed excitement, this was it, they had found her at last.

Tim checked the thermal imaging unit one last time. "She's still in the back room Boss."

At a signal from Gibbs they exited the van. Tim had spent hours hacking into IGraspU's records, and he'd finally gleaned the name of the man who sent the email; it was a name they had come across before in the course of their investigation, Mark Stanhope, a distant cousin of Sally-Anne Schneider, he'd seen his earnings hit hard by the property crisis, and it looked like he'd been rebuffed by his family when he asked them for money, money troubles and a grudge, it was motive enough for Gibbs and as soon as Tim got the address they were on the move.

"Remember there are three adults in the house, Tony you take the front with Ziva; Tim you're with me. No mistakes this time people."

Gibbs got his wish, there were no mistakes, and it was a matter of minutes before Tim was running into the small bedroom at the back of the house; he breathed a sigh of relief when he saw her, eyes wide with fear, but seemingly unharmed, she shrank away from this tall stranger and Tim quickly holstered his gun. He held out his hands and slowly walked to the bed.

"It's okay Esther, you're safe now, my name is Tim, I'm here to take you to your mom and dad, they're waiting to see you." A slightly hesitant smile hovered on her lips.

"Really and truly waiting?"

Tim sat on the bed beside her. "Really and truly, look Esther, I have something for you." He took out the small bundle that he'd taken from Abby's lab late last night and handed it to her.

"Snowy!" She hugged her favourite toy close and whispered. "Thank you Tim...can I go home now?"

"Very soon Esther, your mom and dad will meet us at NCIS, that's where I work. Before they get there we need you to see a very kind man called Donald who will check you out, just to make sure you're not hurt."

Esther was sitting in the sedan beside Tim, she'd held on to his hand tight when the others entered the bedroom, and she hadn't let go since.

"Almost there Esther, you're doing great, your mom and dad will be so proud of their brave girl."

She snuggled up closer, then she cocked her head to one side and took a long look at Tim. "Why are you so sad Tim, it's almost Christmas."

"I'm okay, just tired I guess."

"You should go to bed early tonight; you know why."

Tim smiled down at her, amazed at her resilience after her ordeal. "Sure do."

She reached into the pocket of the pink coat that Tim had seen so often in the security camera footage, and beckoned him to lower his head.

"I have something for you, it's extra special. The good Santa at the mall gave it to me." Esther handed Tim a metal token embossed with a star. "It's a wish token, if you hold it tight and wish really hard, your wish will come true; I wished and wished to be with mommy and daddy and it came true."

Tim was almost overwhelmed; this little girl who had been through so much was trying to make him happy. Tim hugged Esther and his voice thick with emotion, he tried to express his feelings. "Thank you Esther, it...it's beautiful, just like you."

She giggled and looked out of the window. "Are we there yet?"

"She has come to no harm Jethro, perhaps a little more sleep would have been beneficial, but other than that Esther is fit and well."

"That's great Duck; her mom and dad are being escorted here right now."

The elevator doors pinged open and a very tired looking couple were ushered into the squad room. Tim felt his spirits raise a little as he watched the Schneider family reunion; both parents fell to their knees to embrace their daughter. Tim could feel the tears threatening to fall again as the tough Navy SEAL held on to Esther and let his own tears flow.

Martin Schneider stood up, still holding his wife and daughter; when he was finally able to speak he turned to the team.

"This was going to be the worst Christmas of my life, but now thanks to you; it's the best ever. Thank you doesn't seem enough…"

"It's more that enough Commander, we were doing our job; serving those who serve; it's what we do."

"Well you do a damn fine job. Without you…I don't even want to imagine what could have happened."

"Daddy, we have to hurry; Santa will be here soon, and I have to be sleeping in my own bed or he won't know where to find me…"

Schneider kissed his daughter and held her tight. "Seems we have a pressing engagement Agent Gibbs. Thank you all, God bless you, and Merry Christmas."

Tim waved to Esther as she was carried out in her father's arms, he'd been wrong about the job not giving anything back, seeing Esther with her family, it was all the reward any of them needed.

He turned back to his desk, ready to begin writing his report, to commit to print the methods he had used to find out where Esther was being held. Tim felt a wave of nausea building up inside, he ran to the men's room and made it into a stall just in time. When he was done, he swilled his face in some cold water; the headache was back with a vengeance and he was shivering. He couldn't understand why this was happening now...the Schneider's were together again...he'd witnessed their happiness, and maybe that was the problem. He'd seen a glimpse of the happiness that he has hoped to share with Maxine.

He wanted so much to have a family of his own...wouldn't happen, he couldn't even have a good relationship with the family he already had. The shivering was getting worse, maybe he could get Gibbs to let him go home, a hot drink and some sleep, that's what he needed.

Tim opened the door and was about to step out into the squad room ready to head back to his desk, when he heard the voice he'd been dreading. Vance's deep tones seemed to reverberate through Tim's head.

"Gibbs, where is Agent McGee? I want to speak with him…"

Tim didn't hear anything more, the sound was like thunder roaring in his mind…this was it, Vance had come to demand his badge; Tim felt the bile rising in his throat. No, he would not be sick again…he had to get out…fresh air, if he could get outside…

He ran down the stairs and out into the parking lot…it was starting to snow and he didn't have his coat, a walk didn't seem like such a good idea, maybe a drive would help to clear his head. Tim took out his gun and badge and dropped them on the passenger seat, didn't seem right carrying them when he likely wasn't an NCIS agent any longer.

Tim pulled away from the Navy Yard and drove…not knowing where, barely knowing why; all he wanted to do was put some distance between himself and NCIS…he kept going, the snow getting heavier all the time…looked like it would be a white Christmas after all…not that he'd care, all he wanted to do was sleep for a week, forget everything that had happened, even if only for a little while.

As soon as he thought about sleeping, he was yawning, had to concentrate…Tim opened his window and took in a few deep breaths as the cold wind blew into the car…better, now he was awake again…On and on he drove, hoping that the further he went the better he would feel, but if anything he was feeling a lot worse. Everything he'd touched this last week had been an unmitigated disaster…except for finding Esther, and even that had cost him his livelihood…Vance wouldn't tolerate a direct contravention of his orders, Tim knew his NCIS career was a busted flush, just like his love life…his family life…even one of his best friends had taken his money and lost it all…it was too much…

Tim opened his eyes slowly, this wasn't right, the car wasn't moving, he didn't remember deciding to stop, his head was still hurting, but it wasn't like before…something was in his face, airbag…with trembling fingers Tim managed to click open the seatbelt, he opened the door and stumbled on to the ground. The snow was settling now, and it felt icy cold…he couldn't stay here…had to get help.

He struggled to his feet, holding on tight to the car door, where to go? Everywhere he looked was white, he felt like he was in the middle of a huge snow globe that someone had shaken over and over…he was dizzy too…Tim leaned against the nearest tree and started retching, there was nothing to come up but bitter bile, and when he managed to stand again he felt empty…he looked around…the car was gone, how long had he been walking? Stupid…he knew better, he should have stayed with the car, rookie mistake…how would they find him if he strayed too far? They…would they be looking? Would Gibbs even be bothered about an ex member of his team?

Would anyone be bothered if they never saw him again? The answer came back a resounding no, why would they care? He was worthless, in one careless week he'd lost everything that meant anything to him…not the money, losing that didn't matter…it was Rich's betrayal that hurt; just like everything this week had hurt so bad….

He staggered on…oblivious now to his surroundings, simply putting one foot in front of the other…heading deeper into the woods…he stumbled and fell to his knees. Why keep walking? This was as good a place as any to…to wait for the end…he was sick and tired of it all, living was too painful.

Tim looked up at the grey sky, gave a deep sigh and murmured. "Looks like I screwed up for the last time…I tried so hard to be good enough for everyone, couldn't do it; stupid, clumsy, all my life lagging behind…I wish I could have done more…too late now…doesn't matter; the world will be better off without me…"


	11. Chapter 11

_December 24_

Tim felt a feather light touch as the snowflakes fell on his face; his headache was gone and he didn't feel sick any longer...he felt…at ease…peaceful; was this what being dead felt like? Maybe he'd been released from his torment at last. Tentatively, he opened his eyes; the whole world was white; so beautiful, so quiet...he stretched out his hand to feel the cold snow, but it didn't feel cold, it was so soft, like a pristine white quilt…he closed his eyes again, sleep, he'd had so little lately…now it looked as if he'd have eternity…

"Timothy McGee, what do you think you are doing?"

Now he was hearing things, it couldn't be…

"I asked you a question Tim."

He forced his eyes open. "K...Kate...is that you? Then I am de..."

"No! You're very much alive Tim, and I'm here to see you stay that way for many years to come."

He shook his head. "Not me...don't deserve to live, you don't understand Kate, I've ruined everything, I'm nothing but a giant screw-up, everyone will be better off when I'm gone, they'd have been better not knowing me, I'm useless…always have been."

Kate took a step closer to him. "If it didn't go against my years of training I'd be happy to smack your head. Stand up Tim; I want you to look at me when I'm speaking to you."

"Please Kate, let me be…the car, I wrecked my car...fell...I can't stand up"

"I know you were hurt Tim, but try for me."

Tim knew it would be a waste of time, but he'd always been a little in awe of Kate, and even if this wasn't 'his' Kate, she sure looked the same, so despite his reservations he tried to pull himself upright, he steeled himself to do it, and eventually he was sitting up, every muscle was aching, but he'd made it.

"See Tim, I knew you could do it, now stand up, let me get a good look at you; you've changed a lot since I last saw you."

Tim struggled to his feet and almost stumbled to the ground again when he saw the vision before him. She was even more beautiful than he remembered; her face so serene and kind, her warm brown hair almost glowing in the whiteness all around. She was dressed in a long silver gown, he had no clue what it was made of, but it seemed as light as air. He rubbed his eyes, this had to be an illusion, if he wasn't dead…what was all this? His head…he'd hit his head, that was it…Tim reached up to his temple, he'd hit it against the car door, and he remembered there was blood, he winced as he touched the tender spot on the side of his head…could this explain what he was 'seeing', was any of it real?

"What's going on, what are you doing here? This…it's…"

"Hinky Tim?"

"Oh no, whatever is beyond hinky, this is it. Look, no offence to whatever part of my sub-conscious dragged you up here, but could you please leave me be…I'm done with…with everything I guess. If I close my eyes, do you promise to be gone when I open them?"

Kate smiled and moved a little closer to him. "I know you must be confused Tim, coming face to face with an angel, doesn't happen to many people."

Tim's eyes opened wide. "Okay, time-out, an angel? Now I know I'm hallucinating. Whatever you are, can't you just let me alone?"

"No I can't Tim. I have a mission, and I am determined it will be a success."

"And I'm your mission? Well go back wherever you came from and tell them to forget it, I don't want anyone trying to rescue me…I told you, I'm done!"

Kate shook her head. "Stubborn aren't you? Doesn't worry me Tim, I've had other missions where they told me to 'blow it out my ear', I didn't give up on them, and I'm most certainly not going to give up on you."

"Other missions…did you take them with you to…you know…have you come to take me with you? I…I think I'm ready to go" Tim took a long look at this 'angel', was there even the slightest possibility that what this…whatever she was, said was true. She looked like Kate, sounded like her too, but she seemed different…other worldly, there did seem to be an aura about her, and she wasn't shivering even though she was totally underdressed for the weather. "Aren't you cold?"

"No Tim, I'm dead remember; I have no sensation in my body, don't often use it any longer, but Gabriel thought in this case it would be better if you could see me."

"Gabriel…as in…"

"The Archangel, yes Tim, he's the one who allowed me to be your guardian angel."

"Okay, you're good, I'll admit it; you had me fooled for a while until you mentioned Gabriel; that is one step too far. Did Tony put you up to this? I've got to say the hair and makeup…absolutely brilliant…but I'm not buying it."

"It's true Tim, I can't lie, I am an angel, and I'm here to help you."

Tim shook his head in disbelief, and winced again as the pain stabbed through his head. "If you're an angel, show me your wings."

Kate raised her eyes and gave a deep sigh. "I don't have my wings yet Tim, I'm still on probation."

She was surprised, and delighted to hear him laugh. "You're a Probie!"

"Probationary Angel First Class, thank you very much Special Agent McGee."

"Whatever…look, I don't want to get you into trouble, but can you please leave me alone? I'm tired; I don't want to do this anymore…everything I touch turns to crap, I'm worthless, always have been. I messed things up so bad, when I think of all the stupid mistakes I made…it would have been better for everyone if I'd never been born, can't screw up if you're not around."

"Please tell me you don't really believe that Tim; you have helped so many people."

"Helped them! If you really are Kate, you know that's not true, right from the start everything I touched…ruined…Erin Kendall, you were there…I should have saved her, too slow…always too slow."

Kate gave a deep sigh, this was going to be even more difficult than she had expected. "Tim, listen to me." She laid her hand gently on his shoulder, and he felt soothing warmth radiating throughout his body. "You think nothing you have done has been of value; I have been given permission to show you how wrong you are. Take my hand Tim, you are about to be given a great gift, the chance to see what the world would have been like without you."


	12. Chapter 12

Tim put his hand in Kate's and felt a slight tremor; he almost lost his footing as they arrived in what looked like a hospital corridor.

"Steady Tim, it gets easier the more you…transfer."

"What's happening Kate? I don't understand."

"You tell me you're worthless, I tell you you're not…only one way to prove my case; you have to see what kind of place the world would be if you hadn't been born. Wherever we go, whoever we see, you won't be seen, no one will know we're watching them."

"How is that even possible?"

"Because you don't exist."

Tim held out his hands and stared at them. "I look pretty real to me."

"To you, to me too…but not to anyone else, remember you were never born, Timothy McGee never existed."

"You can't make that happen."

"You're right Tim, I can't, but my Boss…he can do anything. Take another look at your hands, do you notice anything?"

Quickly he glanced down at his right hand, there was no dressing, no stitches…he reached up to his head, he'd cut his head he knew that…only now it wasn't even swollen; he'd stopped shivering too…and there was no pain…. Tim's mind was spinning, this was too…weird; if it was a dream, it was more vivid than any other dream he'd ever experienced. He'd been out in a snowstorm but his jacket wasn't even damp…no, his rational mind would not accept this, it was wrong.

"You say I never existed, right? Then how do you explain this." Tim reached into his jacket pocket for his ID, it wasn't there, then he remembered he'd left it on the car seat, along with his gun. His credit cards, they would prove…he stared at the cards, completely blank, where was his name?

""How could you have a credit card Tim, when you never?"

"Don't! I'll show you, there's something here, I got it today, it will prove…." He fumbled in his pockets.

"It isn't there Tim; Esther's wish token, you never met her, so how could she give you her token?"

Tim was suddenly light-headed, he leaned against the wall for support, it couldn't be…only…what other explanation was there?

Kate put her arm on his, and gave a gentle smile. "It's not easy I know, I've never done this for anyone before Tim, I can imagine it must be disconcerting."

He gave a humourless laugh. "You've really learned to be the Queen of Understatement Kate; I feel…I don't know what I feel."

"I know it's confusing, but this is the only way I know to show you just how wrong you are about what you have achieved in your life. Are you ready Tim?"

He stood up straight and took a deep breath. "I guess I have to be, you're not going to let me alone are you?"

"Not until you understand your place in the world. Our first port of call is just along this corridor; we're going to see someone who has obviously been on your conscience for a few years."

The walked a few paces along the corridor and Kate halted in front of a door with a tiny window.

"She's in there Tim, don't worry, she can't see you."

Kate opened the door and Tim peeped inside. "Erin! She's alive; I told you I was useless, see Kate, without me…someone saved her."

"Did they Tim? Go inside, take a good look."

Reluctantly Tim did as he was told. There was enough of the Erin he remembered for him to recognise her, but the more he looked at her, the less she looked like the vivacious young woman he had met and been just a little bit smitten by. Her eyes seemed sunken in her head, and she was staring unblinking at the wall, her skeletal fingers twitched against the fabric of her nightgown, her nails bitten to the quick; a thin trickle of saliva dribbled from the side of her mouth. His breath caught in his throat as he walked slowly toward her.

"What's wrong with her?"

"Complete mental breakdown...you see Tim, no one believed her, about the dead sailor. Metro PD tried to hand the case over to NCIS, but the agent they sent to speak to her concluded she was drunk and seeing things. She tried over and over to get someone to listen, but everyone thought she was fantasising, attention seeking. It became her obsession and eventually she couldn't deal with the rejection any longer, one day…they found her in her apartment, cataleptic, barely breathing."

"How long has she been here...like this?"

"Four years; she hasn't spoken in all that time, doesn't even recognise her parents when they come to visit."

"But at least she's alive."

"Is she Tim, is she really? Is this the way she would want to be, rather than have someone believe implicitly that what she said was true, she may have died Tim, but she died knowing that you believed her...she knows you tried everything possible to save her, and she knows you got her killer."

"You've seen her, she's...?"

"Yes, she's in heaven...Probationary Angel Third Class; but she only gets that ending if you lived Tim, without you, this is her fate,"

"That's not fair Kate, you can't lay this at my door, I…I'm not sure that she would be better off dead…maybe one day, she'll recover." He turned to Kate with an unspoken plea.

"I can't tell you Tim, it's not for us to know, but take a good long look at her, and remember the last time you spoke to Erin, remember the type of woman she was, do you think she would thank you for this?"

"I honestly don't know Kate, I tried so hard to save her…but I was too late, always my problem; so many mistakes…" He took a step closer to the bed. "I'm so sorry Erin, I've wished so often that I could turn back the clock, get to you faster, you deserved so much better."

"There is none better Tim." Kate's voice was barely more than a whisper.

"You say something Kate?"

"Nothing you're ready to hear right now."

He managed to tear his gaze away from Erin and looked Kate in the eye. "Look, I know, really I do, you're trying to help, but bringing me here…it doesn't make anything right. Erin was one of many stupid mistakes, so many…I killed a man in cold blood, did you know that?"

"You have never killed in cold blood Tim; that much I do know."

"Ha! Looks like your Boss didn't tell you everything."

She took his hand once more and they were in an anonymous alley that could have been anywhere, but Tim knew where they were. "You…you know…"

"About Lieutenant Benedict? Of course I know, Tim your life is an open book to me, and I know you're a good man, and a good agent."

He was staring at the spot where Benedict fell. "A good agent doesn't kill an innocent man, if another agent had been out here that night…"

"There was another agent Tim, you keep forgetting…"

"I don't exist…how could I forget? Kate, was Benedict okay?"

He had such hope in his eyes that Kate hesitated before giving her answer. "He still died Tim, it may have been a different agent; but she saw what you saw and reacted in exactly the same way; the way any agent would have reacted. Benedict's death was on Archer, not on you."

"You can't know that, Abby tried everything…"

"I'm not talking about the kill shot Tim, it was because of Archer that Benedict was in this alley, what happened after he got here was inevitable, it was his time…"

Tim started to walk away from her, toward the place where the Range Rover was parked on that fateful night; he stopped abruptly and turned to face her. "Kate…when Ari…when he shot you, was that your time, or could I have done something? If I'd been…"

"Stop it Tim! You can't save everyone, Gibbs and Tony were right beside me on the roof, and they couldn't save me, what more could you have done? Ari wanted me dead…I had a chance to kill him you know, when he shot Gerald, I was so close…couldn't do it, and I paid the ultimate price, my death was not your fault, no one was to blame but Ari…and me."

"I wish I could believe you, I just feel like every time I make a mistake it costs someone big time. I look back at my so called career and it's littered with so many errors."

This time she couldn't resist, Kate smacked the back of his head lightly. "How many people do you know in law enforcement who never made a mistake? I'll tell you, not a one, but Tim, why do you have to focus on the negative? Why can't you think about the people you helped, think about where they would be now if you hadn't entered their lives? Come on, we have more places to go."


	13. Chapter 13

7

They were standing in the living room of a modest house; a small Christmas tree was being decorated by a grey-haired woman.

"Sandy, don't you want to help?"

"Not right now Gran, I have homework."

"On Christmas Eve? Honey, I'm sure it can wait until after the holiday."

The young woman shrugged. "Might as well get it done now, it's not like Christmas is a big deal...I'm going to my room." She almost fell as she hurried up the stairs. "And I don't want any dinner, so don't call me."

"Sandy, please..."

They heard a door slam, and the woman sat on the couch and started to cry. Tim was confused, he didn't know this teenager; but then he noticed the piano in the corner of the room.

"You remember now, don't you Tim."

"Sandy Watson, she was so amazing, she may have no sight, but her hearing was so acute, she helped us so much…you know, you were there. I always remember that case because it was after we arrested Captain Watson that Gibbs told me I was on the team...Kate, I didn't do anything to help Sandy, I was so green..."

"Didn't do anything!" Kate looked up to the heavens. "Is it always this hard? At this rate I'm never going to get my wings…" She turned again to Tim. "Who found a way into Watson's computer? Who stalled his accomplice when he was about to kill Mrs Watson? Who traced the money that led back to Watson?"

Tim had never thought of it in those terms, he'd been so in awe of working with the MCRT, he'd never even considered the part he had played in the investigation, he started to feel anxious. "Kate, what happened...you know when I wasn't…?"

"Mrs Watson...we were too late, we heard the gunshots as we were running along the tracks, she didn't make it Tim, and when her dad was sent to prison, Sandy withdrew into her own dark world, she's a little better now. After therapy and with the love of her grandparents she's learned to live again, but she's hasn't played the piano since the day her mother died."

"I never imagined…"

"Why would you? With you in her life Sandy Watson has a life full of music, she has a mother to guide her through the tough teenage years; without you, she has emptiness and heartache."

"She deserves better."

"Then accept your life Tim, acknowledge the part you play in the world."

He looked up the stairs, imagining Sandy sitting in the darkness and gave a deep sigh. "Maybe…if what you say is true, I did help her, maybe that one time I did something good…doesn't outweigh the bad; there's too much.

Kate tore her gaze away from the woman on the couch and glared at Tim. "How can you look at this family and tell me that? What about another family, the Schneiders? How would they be spending their Christmas Eve without you? Who else at NCIS would have done what you did to get Esther home? Tim McGee you may have an IQ that's almost off the scale, but sometimes you can be incredibly dense!"

She took his hand in a firm grip and suddenly they were outside again, in a deserted parking lot.

"Remember this place? Braddock Mall, it's where they found Commander Wilkerson."

"Of course I remember, I was in big trouble that day; broke one of Gibbs' rules."

"Never be unreachable, I know."

Tim's eyebrows shot up. "How do you know? Forget I asked, stupid question…but why bring me here…oh no Kate, you can't think I did anything…"

"I don't think Tim; I know. Without you doing the interrogation Geckler didn't give up where he found the phone; Commander Wilkerson died Tim."

"No…no, I'm not listening to any more of this, you can't lay this on me…honestly Kate, any half-way capable agent would have been able to break Geckler, he wasn't so tough."

"You think that because you found his Achilles heel, you knew what he was and you knew how to deal with him."

"I had lots of practice…Kate...I…I'm so confused…you see me so different to how I really am."

Kate put her hand on his shoulder and gave him her warmest smile. "I see Tim McGee the way everyone sees him, except Tim McGee. Do I really have to enumerate every single case where you were the difference between success and failure? Do you want me to show you Sharron Bellows serving a life sentence for Trimble's murder? To see her daughter as she feeds her addiction yet again?"

"She's not in prison! I know she did it…we all knew, but she had good reason and Celia Roberts took the fall for her."

Kate shook her head. "Celia didn't just do that for Sharron, she did it for you too Tim; because you showed her a side of law enforcement she had never seen before. You reached out to those women and they responded as they never could to another agent; you changed lives that day, but without you…"

"Without me, without me…you're not making sense Kate, I'm just one person, how do you know some other person wouldn't have done a better job?"

"They didn't Tim, what I am showing you, telling you…it's what happened in the world you wanted, the world without you in it." She reached out to put her hand in his, but he pulled away sharply.

"No more Kate, I'm done. You can go play your magic tricks on someone else, I…it's not just the job, don't you see Kate? My whole life I've been a giant screw-up."

"Have you indeed? Let's see shall we?" She took his hand again, and this time he didn't pull away.

Tim took a deep breath as they arrived in their new location, Kate had been right, it did get easier the more he transferred; he looked around; where had she taken him this time? He recognised the place, of course he did, Arlington Military Cemetery.

"Kate, what has Arlington to do with me?"

"You say your life before NCIS was meaningless; look over there."

Kate pointed to a small memorial, several bouquets of flowers had been laid carefully at the foot of the plinth; they were almost covered in snow. Tim slowly walked toward the slab of white marble and read the inscription…Weapons Company 2nd Battalion, 7th Marines.

"This can't be right."

"It is Tim."

"No…the date, they didn't die, Paul saved them, every last man, he got his medal last week."

"He didn't save them, he wasn't there."

"What do you mean? Not there…no Kate, this is personal, you have no right…"

"I have every right; I will do everything in my power to show you that your life has meaning. Look into your heart Tim; you know what you did for Paul Maybury."

Tim was staring at the inscription, reading the names, this couldn't be…they were all at the White House when Paul got his medal, they couldn't be dead. He turned to Kate, a rising sense of fear churning in his gut. "You're talking about high school? I didn't do anything."

"The day you found him, in the washroom, what was he doing?"

"Crying, they'd been pretty rough…bullies usually are when they have fresh meat."

"You stayed with him, talked things through, and you didn't leave it there, did you?"

"It was nothing…"

"Stop it Tim! You're not that stupid. You know what you did, you gave Paul Maybury the strength to go to school, to face his tormenters…The very next day you were by his side and every day after that until the bullies gave in; it cost you more pain."

"Nothing I hadn't dealt with before."

"And you had made it through Tim, dealing with them made you stronger…but for Paul; your support meant everything, he knew you would be there for him, someone he could rely on, someone who knew what he had been going through."

"He's a strong person…he just needed a friend…"

"Very true…and without that good friend…they were relentless, the bullies…they smelled Paul's weakness and wouldn't let him be." Kate almost faltered when she saw the fear in Tim's eyes, but she had to be strong, he had to see how much he meant to people…"He didn't make it Tim, they found him in his home…he'd cut his wrists….bled out in his bath."

"NO! That's enough! Kate, this sick joke, it stops now."

"It's no joke; without you Paul had no hope, no future, he couldn't see any way out of his agony, except one, and he took it."

Tim stood speechless before the memorial...so many men, had he really had any influence on their lives…their deaths?

"You see Tim; you can't live your life in isolation, each life touches so many others." Kate could see the first real signs of uncertainty on Tim's face; was she getting through to him at last? It was time to press home her advantage. "Let's move on, I think it's time we visited NCIS."


	14. Chapter 14

The place they came to looked pretty much like Abby's lab, but it certainly didn't sound like it; the only sounds were the gentle hums of computer fans. Tim noticed Bert was missing, and something else felt out of place too.

"Where are all the decorations? Abby loves her holiday decorations, and she always goes all out at Christmas."

"The Abby you knew…things are different around here Tim; see for yourself, here she comes."

Tim turned to the door and stared at the two people walking briskly into the lab, one was a total stranger to him, but the other…

"Director Campbell needs that report today, so be sure you get it right."

"Yes Ms Sciuto, I'll get to it right away."

Tim found his voice at last. "Abby?"

"I told you things were different."

"And I told you you're a master of understatement. She looks…well she looks like Courtroom Barbie."

Kate smiled, but it was smile laced with sadness. "Things have happened here that have made Abby the way she is. Everything is about the job; she has virtually no life outside these walls. The things that made her the Abby you knew are long gone."

Oblivious to their existence Abby went on working. She was wearing tailored pants, pristine white lab coat, black pumps, no chokers or bracelets, nothing to indicate the wonderful originality that made her who she was.

"Her tattoos, where…?"

"She had them removed, thought they made her look frivolous, not businesslike."

Tim had been so stunned by Abby's appearance that it had taken him a few moments to register something she'd said. "Kate, Abby mentioned Director Campbell, what happened to Director Vance?" A look of sudden panic crossed Tim's face. "He didn't die did he? The meeting with Director David…"

Kate was quick to reassure him. "No Tim, he never had that meeting, Leon Vance was fired when his investigation into the mole selling NCIS secrets failed."

"But…but we got her…she died. Kate, please tell me the team stopped her."

She took his hand again, and they were in the squad room standing in front of the wall covered in pictures of the most wanted killers, terrorists…and there it was, a picture of Michelle Lee.

"They found out about her involvement eventually, not before she'd done a lot of damage. You were the key that unlocked the encryptions..."

He was still staring at the picture. "There were some brilliant people in cyber crimes; surely they managed to get through all the levels."

"They did Tim, just not as quickly as you; Michelle got away. Are you finally getting what I've been trying to tell you, you made a difference in people's lives? The team, without you it was a very different entity. Gibbs became more and more frustrated by his lack of computer knowledge, and he never had anyone who could explain it the way you did."

Tim gave a quiet laugh at that. "He was always telling me I gave too much information."

"He was, but then you told him in words he could understand, most of the agents they've had over the years haven't taken the time to do that. He respects you a lot you know, he doesn't always show it, but he went out of his way to get you on his team, and he trusts you to have his back every time you go out in the field."

"I'm not so sure Kate; I'm pretty sure he regrets putting me on the team."

"Stop that! Tim, this team needs you, look at Ziva, right from the start you showed her kindness and support, how often do you think someone had treated her that way? It helped to soften her sharp edges. With you in her life she became a warmer person, she had compassion, without you…let's just say Mossad training can be hard to forget."

"Wasn't a hardship helping Ziva, she's a lot less trouble than Tony."

Kate had to laugh. "Oh yeah, Tony's one on his own alright. He didn't do so well without you."

"Get out of here, Tony DiNozzo, he could work with anyone, I never knew a person make friends so fast."

"Looks that way from the outside, doesn't it? The probationary agents they had on the team, and they had plenty, they couldn't put up with his wise-cracking and practical jokes for too long…they lack the patience that you had…Not many people would have seen what you saw; that Tony craved a family…the only way he could show he cared was the joking…"

Tim took a good long look at the squad room; it looked much as it always did except…he hurried closer to the desks that belonged to the MCRT.

"Where's Tony's stapler? And the pictures are wrong…Kate where's Tony?"

She didn't say a word, and for a second Tim hoped against hope that what he was thinking was totally wrong; then she took his hand and even before they arrived he knew where they were going.

He shivered involuntarily as he looked over the edge of the parking garage ramp. "No Kate, please…please no."

"I'm so sorry; believe me I am, but however hard it is I have to show you the truth about the world you never inhabited. This is the reality of that world…when Dana Arnett forced Tony over the edge, Tony's partner that day, he wasn't strong enough, or maybe he didn't care for Tony the way you did; he couldn't hold on and Tony fell…he died that day Tim."

When he turned to face her Kate could tell that this time she'd scored a direct hit; Tim's eyes filled with tears and he had to take several deep breaths before he could even think of speaking.

"Kate…if…Tony…if what you say is true…Gibbs, Tony was like a son to him, what happened to Gibbs?"

Kate put her arm around his shoulders; there was no easy way to tell him. "He stayed on at NCIS, mostly for Ziva's sake, Gibbs owed Ziva, and he wouldn't let her down. Then she left and he felt betrayed, but when he heard she was missing, maybe dead…he tried to find her, but Director Campbell didn't allow a rescue mission, and in all honesty the team Gibbs had at the time weren't likely to go into the lion's den for someone they barely knew…"

"He left Ziva in Somalia?" Tim couldn't believe that Gibbs would abandon one of his people.

"Don't be too hard on him Tim, he changed so much after he lost Tony, losing Ziva was the final straw for him, Gibbs retired, he lives with his father in Stillwater, helps out at the store."

"But Ziva, if they didn't go after her…"

"Eventually her father sent a rescue mission, but she'd been badly hurt, physically and mentally, she's recovering back in Israel, but it's a long slow process."

Tim was staring into the distance, trying to make sense of what he was hearing. "That's why Abby's the way she is…she must be lonely without the others around."

"She is Tim, even Ducky left, he figured the only way he could guarantee not seeing another one of his friends on the autopsy table was to leave NCIS."

Kate watched him, and waited for him to put everything together, she saw the shadow cross his face, and knew this was the moment she had been waiting for since she had seen him lying on the snowy ground. For the first time he took the initiative and grabbed her hand.

"You have to show me Kate, my family…"

Kate shook her head. "You still don't understand Tim, technically you have no family."

"Don't you dare talk to me about technicalities. Show me my family now!"

Holding on tight to his hand Kate felt the warm glow that came with knowing her job was almost done. This was what she had been waiting for, Tim was fighting back.

They were outside again, in a neighbourhood Tim had never seen before. There were bags of garbage in the street outside, covered with a light dusting of snow; the whole area had an air of neglect and decay. He turned to Kate with a question on his lips.

"Why have you brought me here? My parents live in San Diego."

She led him up the stairs. "Andrew and Theresa McGee only had one child Tim, a daughter." Kate opened the door of a tiny apartment at the top of a dark stairwell and Tim walked inside.

A man was slumped in a dowdy armchair, a half-empty bottle of cheap bourbon on the table beside him, the empty glass lay in his lap where he'd dropped it when he fell asleep. Tim stepped closer. "D...Dad?"

"He can't hear you Tim, remember?"

Tim reached out to touch his father's hand, but of course there was no response. He stared at his father; normally his dad was smartly dressed, never a hair out of place, clean shaven...this man, he was a stranger. Unkempt, stains on his sweater, he clearly hadn't had a shave in days, and the drink...his dad had never been a bourbon drinker. The click of the door closing broke Tim's almost trance-like state, he turned quickly and there she was...only she looked...worn out, and old.

"Oh Drew! You should have come with me, not stayed here drinking all day. Sarah asked after you...I told her you were sick, but I don't think she believed me."

Andrew McGee raised his head slowly and after a few seconds he managed to focus on his wife. "Couldn't come...too hard..."

Theresa picked up the glass, and set it on the table. "You think it's easy for me, seeing her in that terrible place? I hate it Drew, but I love my daughter, and I couldn't bear to think of her being alone on Christmas Eve." She fell to her knees beside her husband and started to cry, silent tears that coursed down her cheeks.

Tim wanted to take her in his arms and hold her, as she had held him so often when he was hurting. He was powerless; all he could do was observe his parent's misery.

"Kate, what happened to them? They never had any problems with money; how could they have ended up in a place like this?" In that one moment he put it together, Tim reached out to Kate, his breath coming in short gasps. "Sarah; Mom said she was in a terrible place."

"Come with me Tim."

A prison cell; he knew it would be, and his little sister…"Her beautiful hair."

It seemed such a stupid thing to say, but in the presence of her abject misery, it was the only thought Tim was able to verbalise. Sarah's hair was cropped short, she was lying on her bunk staring up at the ceiling, her eyes were sunken and haunted; she'd obviously been crying for a long time.

"You can't do this to her Kate, it's all wrong."

Kate gently touched Sarah's forehead, and a little of the anguish seemed to leave her. "I didn't do anything; she didn't have a big brother to fight for her when she was accused of killing Seaman Petty. There was a lot of circumstantial evidence, the MCRT handed it over to Metro PD and they prosecuted Sarah; she was found guilty."

"She didn't kill him, she's innocent!"

"You said it yourself Tim, the system doesn't always work. Your Mom and Dad have used every last dime they had on appeals, but they've all failed."

"Is that why they're living in that crummy apartment?"

Kate nodded. "They moved here to be closer to Sarah, your dad got a transfer but his drinking got out of hand."

This was getting harder to bear with every word; Tim was starting to feel sick. "He lost his job…the Navy was everything to him, how could he let it go?"

"The same reason you were prepared to walk away from NCIS Tim, he loves Sarah more than he loves his job."

"Kate, please…you have to make this right."

"That isn't in my power, only you can put things back how they were. Embrace your life Tim, you have done so much, don't let it all be for nothing."

Tim leaned over and kissed Sarah's forehead; there was no reaction, not even a blink. He truly wasn't in her life, this was so very wrong; he couldn't let her stay here, he could see that she was dying by inches. But could he go back? Face up to the reality of a life with no money, no job, no prospects…in truth it was a no-brainer.

"You promise me if I go on living, none of this will have happened."

Kate's smile brightened the dark cell. "I promise Tim, all you have to do is tell me what you want."

With one last look at his tormented sister Tim reached out his hand, Kate took him in her arms and kissed his cheek.

He was on the ground again, and it was still snowing. Tim looked up at his guardian angel. "I want to live Kate."

Her smile was pure gold. "I know a lot of people who will be happy to hear that. My job is done; it's time for me to go. Goodbye Tim, you're a good man, have a wonderful life."


	15. Chapter 15

14

Tim knew she was gone because he was cold, bone-shaking cold and his head hurt. He couldn't stay where he was, it would be dark soon and he wasn't sure he could survive a night out here. He had to move...if he started walking maybe he'd find the road; it seemed to take an awful long time to get up off the ground, and every small step he took cost him more pain, but he was determined and so long as he used the trees for support he should be able to keep going...

"Tim! Oh man, you're a sight for sore eyes...Boss! Over here!"

Tim felt strong arms supporting him as he stumbled on the uneven ground. "T...Tony...you're alive...it's true...she said..."

Gibbs and Ziva rushed through the trees and Gibbs took hold of Tim's other arm. "We've got you Tim, hold on and we'll get you back to the car. Can you walk?"

"Not sure…"

"You can do it Tim, just hold on to me." Tony draped Tim's arm round his shoulder and helped support his weight, and with Gibbs' help they set out on the slow walk back to the car.

Tim shifted restlessly on the back seat. "I want to live...please let me..."

Tony draped another blanket round Tim's shoulders; he'd been so cold when they finally got him in the car that he'd been scared they were going to lose him. Getting him out of his wet clothes and into the car had worked wonders, and he was already getting a little colour back in his face. "You'd better live Tim; I'm not trekking through Rock Creek Park in the snow just so you can give up on us now. We'll have you at the hospital any minute."

"Why...why was I in...Rock Creek Park?"

Tony grinned. "Come on Tim, where else would you go? It's like a homing instinct for NCIS agents, we always end up there."

"I was hoping you would be elsewhere McGee, you know how he gets when he is right."

"I can't help it if my superior investigative skills have triumphed again."

Ziva…she was here too, Kate had kept her promise…Tim wanted to join in the conversation if only to thank them for coming for him, but he was warm, and he was tired…

Tim was woken by bright lights and noise, there seemed to be a lot of noise…hospital, he would know that smell anywhere, ever since his road accident he'd hated hospitals. He was subjected to a battery of tests, prodded, poked, asked any number of times what his name was; eventually he was taken to a side ward and as he lay back against the pillows he closed his eyes and let sleep come.

Tim opened his eyes, slow and easy...it felt like he was lying in a bed, but he'd felt that way before and he'd been on the ground, but there was no snow, and he was warm; he could feel there was someone close by.

"K...Kate?"

"Goodness me, no Timothy; it's Ducky."

"I forgot...she's gone..."

Ducky looked deep into Tim's eyes fearing that his injuries were worse than they thought, he smiled down at him. "Sadly we lost Caitlyn long ago Timothy, but you are back with us, and for that we are all very grateful. You gave us quite a fright today."

Tim tried to sit up, to get a better look at his surroundings. "I'm in the hospital?"

"You are; do you remember your car going off the road?"

Tim concentrated hard; he knew something had happened to the car because he'd been in the woods. "I...I was trying to get away...everything was too...it was too much...only my head was hurting and I lost control...story of my life...least I thought it was."

Ducky poured some water into a glass and handed it to Tim. "Drink a little Timothy; you've had quite a day. You have a mild concussion, and slight hypothermia; we don't want you to become dehydrated too. They'll keep you in here tonight for observation, and then tomorrow you will come and stay at my home for a day or so."

"Can't do that Ducky, I should go home."

"And you will, but from what I hear you will have a slight detour to San Diego before that happens."

"You got that wrong Ducky, my dad; he made it clear I wasn't welcome."

Ducky reached into his jacket and took out his phone. "Call them Timothy; they've been trying to reach you, and they were worried sick when you were missing. I am going to search for something that vaguely resembles a cup of tea and I'll leave my phone here."

He handed the phone to Tim with a smile. "Make the call."

"McGee residence."

"Mom..."

"Oh Tim! Oh my, it's so wonderful to hear your voice, we've been...doesn't matter now, Ducky called to tell us about the accident...are you really okay?"

"I think so…head aches a little, but I'm fine. How's Sarah doing? I wanted so much to be at the party."

"She knows that Tim, she also knows that the life of a little girl was at stake; she explained that to your father In great detail."

Tim laughed aloud. "I'd like to have seen that."

His mother was laughing too. "I think he's only just getting over it. He's right here Tim, and he wants to talk."

Tim waited what seemed like an eternity for his dad to speak, maybe he'd changed his mind, and didn't want to talk after all; then he heard a quiet cough as his dad cleared his throat.

"Son, you still there?"

"Yeah, look Dad, about the other day…"

"Tim, forget it, don't worry about the party; it's not important, I was a jackass. My comfortable routine had been disrupted for a few days and I was on edge, took it out on you. What I said…I can't take it back, but I can tell you I didn't mean it. I was totally out of line, and oh Tim…I don't always remember to engage my brain before I open my mouth."

"It's been a tough week all round I guess; I so wanted to be there Dad, we haven't been together, the whole family…seems like forever."

"Should be fixing that any day Tim, Special Agent Gibbs, he says you can use your vacation days as soon as you're well enough to travel. If you still want to come out here after what I said…"

Tim was smiling, he'd been so worried that his dad would still be angry with him. "Wild horses wouldn't keep me away."

"But a kidnapped child might."

Tim felt his smile slip. "Dad…it's what I do, I know it's not what you wanted for me, but I love my job."

"So you should Tim, you do important work. You put a family back together for Christmas, can't think of anything I'd rather have my son do…I don't tell you often enough, heck I don't know if I've ever told you. I'm proud of what you do Tim, and I'm proud of you."

Tim was smiling again, but this time he could feel a few tears trickling down his cheeks. He'd heard those words from his mom more than once, but never from his dad.

"Tim?"

"I'm here…Thanks Dad; it's been a rough week, hearing that from you…it sounds so good."

"It's the truth; I just never said it before. I heard something about your week. Richard York called, hadn't spoken to him in years. He'd been trying to reach you, I told him he wasn't the only one…you can be mighty elusive when you put your mind to it."

"Been kinda busy...Rich tell you he lost my money?"

"That's just it Tim, he hasn't, that's why he was trying to reach you. He said I was to tell you; your money's safe. Let me get this right, I wrote it down…here it is; after the Hollander Corporation deal fell through, he spent the next day calling everyone he knew to find a alternate buyer, he did too, they signed the papers last night. He says I was to tell you he couldn't have done it without you, and that you're the best friend he could wish for."

Tim let out the breath he'd been holding the whole time his dad was talking, he'd been sure his money was gone for ever, and that Rich's hard earned business would fail, this news, it was more than Tim could ever have hoped for.

"Did you hear Tim? Your money, Richard didn't lose it, in fact he said you'll likely get a healthy return on your investment."

"I'm not bothered about that Dad; I'm just relieved Rich won't lose his business, he has family, it would have hit him hard."

"You too Tim, but it's not going to happen, so let's not dwell on it. We'll talk again tomorrow and when you get here your mom's planning a good old McGee family feast."

"Sounds great Dad, will Sarah still be there?"

"Oh yes, and she's already told me my dessert is going to be great big slices of humble pie!"

"Hey Tim, how are you doing?"

"B…Boss…sorry, not my boss now."

"Why wouldn't I be your boss?" Gibbs had no idea why Tim would be asking that question, this last week had been tough on Tim, how tough Gibbs was only just finding out, but he didn't think he'd screwed up badly enough for Tim to want out of NCIS.

Tim squinted against the light, and focussed on Gibbs. "Director Vance, he said…I disobeyed his orders…when he came looking for me…"

"You thought he was going to fire you?" Now Gibbs understood Tim's confusion. "Truth is Leon wanted to tell you that you'd done the right thing. Without the information you got through hacking we'd still have been waiting for the Schneiders to be together, if they ever were."

"But he told me…"

"And he was wrong, he got to see why you do what you do, and he knows you'll only cut corners when absolutely necessary, like it was with Esther. Tim…the day he called you out over the hacking, I told him then, if he ever fired you because you helped the team solve a case that way; he could have my badge too."

"You never said…I thought you agreed with him."

"I know Tim, and that's down to me, I wanted to talk to Leon privately, tell him what I would do, and I was going to tell you, so you'd know I had your six; but we caught the Grenville case and you know how that was…then Esther was taken, didn't have a minute to think straight, but I should have made time to tell you, not leave you thinking I'd hung you out to dry."

"Guess I wasn't thinking straight Boss, things have been…difficult…"

"So we've been hearing. Why didn't you tell us about Sarah's party? We didn't know, thought you were going home for the holiday."

"I was, Sarah's party was arranged later…Boss I never thanked you, all of you for coming to find me…I ruined everyone's Christmas."

Gibbs cuffed him lightly on the shoulder. "Our Christmas was pretty messed up already Tim, the only way you could have ruined it is if we'd lost you. Tim, promise me, when you're in trouble, don't keep it to yourself, we're a team, let us help, talk to us."

"Like you do Boss?"

"Never said I was a good example Tim. Now go back to sleep, don't want the docs keeping you in an extra night."

Tim yawned, and felt his eyes closing again. "On it…"

_Christmas Day_

"Merry Christmas Tim! So, are you ready to break out of here?"

Tony had breezed in humming _Jingle Bells _and carrying a back pack. Tim grinned and looked down at the hospital gown he was wearing. "A Merry Christmas to you too Tony, but I'm not exactly dressed for the great outdoors."

"No problema, I went to your apartment and got you some clothes, you know sweaters, socks…"

Tim's smile vanished, and he gave a deep sigh. "You found the box…"

"I wasn't looking Tim, I wanted to see if you had some novelty Christmas socks, like these." Tony lifted up the leg of his pants to display a garish red sock with Ho Ho Ho in silver all over. "I thought every guy had a pair, it's what people get you for Christmas when they don't know what to get."

"Tony, it's okay."

"I am sorry Tim; I had no idea things were that serious between you and Maxine."

Tim shrugged. "Looks like it was all on my side…When she walked away, I thought it would break me Tony…almost did, but I guess I'm stronger than I thought, and I had help too…this time yesterday I thought my life was over, that you'd all be better off if I wasn't around, but I know I can make a difference…looks like you're stuck with me Tony."

Tony opened the back pack and handed it to Tim. "Wouldn't have it any other way, I'm getting too old to break in another Probie, you'll do for me…aside from which, you are going to be so easy to buy for next Christmas…"

They were all relaxing in Ducky's large and comfortable lounge waiting for the main event of the day, Ducky's Christmas dinner. The whole team was there, along with Jackson Gibbs who'd been staying with his son for the holidays. Tim was sitting on the couch with Ziva and Abby beside him; he'd been amazed and humbled that everyone had given up their Christmas Day to spend time with him. It had taken a week of hard knocks, and some harsh lessons from his sweet superhero angel, but he had finally realised that this was where he belonged, and where he deserved to be. He had played a part in their lives, an important one, and they'd been only too happy to show him how much he meant to them. There had been tears, but there had been laughter too, and love…lots of love.

Tim had received more hugs from Abby today than he had in the last year, and Ziva…she'd surprised him by hugging him too. "Timothy McGee, do you remember who I came to when I got my US passport, I was so proud and happy…you are that rare creature who finds joy in other people's triumphs. How could the world be better off without you? If I ever hear such nonsense from you again…"

"You won't Ziva, and you won't have to chain me to your desk Abs, I've learned my lesson. I love life too much to give up without a fight."

"You want me to get that Duck?" The doorbell rang just as Gibbs was heading for the kitchen to see if Ducky needed help, his dad was already in there, but he was worried about too many cooks…

"Would you Jethro, I'll be out directly."

Gibbs opened the door and was surprised to see a face he recognised. "Lieutenant Maybury, it's an honour to meet you."

"Thank you sir."

"No need to sir me." Gibbs held out his hand. "Special Agent Gibbs, are you here to see Tim?"

Paul Maybury grinned and nodded his head. "Then he is here? Man he's a hard guy to find."

"Paul, is that really you?" Tim leapt up from the couch. "I thought you were with your family today?"

"We're having a late dinner, and I wanted to give you your gift today, just never knew it would take so long to find you…glad I did though, you okay Tim? They told me at NCIS you'd been in an accident."

"I'm fine, and much better for seeing you…it's been too long."

"Don't I know it, I was sorry you couldn't be at the White House."

"Me too…oh, where are my manners? These are my good friends Paul, that's Abby and Ziva on the couch, Tony's over there by the TV, my boss you already know, and these two fine gentlemen are our chefs for the day Doctor Donald Mallard, and Jackson Gibbs. Everyone, this is an old friend, Paul Maybury."

"From the picture! I knew I'd seen you…"

"Ha, so much for your superior investigative skills Tony."

"I'm allowed a day off Ziva, it's Christmas."

Ducky hurried forward to shake Paul's hand. "Welcome to my home, would you care for a drink?"

"Thanks, but I really have to run, they're not going to hold dinner for me…and I can see you're pretty busy too. Tim, I have something for you."

He handed a framed picture to Tim. "I know you had a copy of this already, but this one is special. I asked the President to sign it for you, because you couldn't be there."

Tony leaned over Tim's shoulder and read the inscription aloud. "To Tim McGee; you stood tall for one who stood tall for many. Thank you…signed by the President…Wow McGee, friends in high places."

"Why is he thanking me?" Tim turned to his old friend with a puzzled expression.

"I told the President what you did for me."

"Paul, it's...damn it, I can't seem to stop crying."

"Nothing wrong with a few tears Tim. It's time I was on my way…Oh, I almost forgot, a young woman outside asked me to give this to you Tim, she said her name was Erin; I turned round to ask her if there was a message, but she was gone."

He handed a gift-wrapped package to Tim, and turned to the others, his face suddenly serious. "It's good to see you all, put some faces to the names...you all watch out for Tim, he's my hero."

"Don't keep us in suspense Tim open it!" Abby was almost bouncing with suppressed excitement.

Tim was sitting on the couch again, almost afraid to open the package…Erin, could it be? He carefully peeled open the wrapping, his eyes opened wide as he got his first glimpse of the contents. Ducky drew in a sharp breath.

"Timothy, is that what I think it is?"

Tim held the book as if it were made of the most fragile porcelain. "It's a first edition of _The Moonstone_..."

"Good Heavens, who is it from Tim?"

"I think…maybe it's from heaven." He opened the book and read the inscription on a gold card carefully placed inside the front cover.

'Remember Tim, no man is a failure who has friends. Kate.

PS: thanks for the wings.'

Maybe he had done something good with his life after all, and thanks to Kate, and his friends, his life wasn't over.

"Timmy…what does it mean, Kate? You talked about Kate...when you were in the hospital; we thought it was the concussion…"

Tim smiled and held the book close. "Not concussion…it's a long story."

Ducky settled down in his favourite armchair. "Well Timothy, I don't think the world can ever have too many stories, particularly at Christmas time, and I'm sure I speak for everyone when I say I can't wait to hear how Caitlyn came into your life."

Tim looked around at the eager faces of his friends…would they believe him? Only one way to find out. "I guess it all started last Friday…"

THE END


End file.
